May 31: Let go of timing

“Melody, it just isn’t time yet,” my friend Virginia said to me one day. “You wouldn’t be out on your lawn trying to pull the blades of the grass up, forcing them to grow.”

“Yes, I would,” I said, “if I thought it would help.”

Persistence, determination, clarity, and commitment can be our greatest assets. We gather energy, we use our determination to get things done—whether it’s cleaning our house, visiting a therapist for help with an issue that’s become more than we can handle alone, looking for a new job, or beginning a relationship.

Goals are good. Setting our sights on the task ahead is helpful.

So is letting go, and working with the seasons of our lives.

We are one with everything that is. The same energy and spirit that permeates the ocean, the mountains, the forest, and the creatures also permeates us. Who are we to think that we don’t have our rhythms, seasons, and cycles?

Who are we not to trust the rhythms of life?

Plant the seeds. Water them, if there’s a drought. But let it go. The grass will grow itself.

God, help me let go of impatience. Help me align myself with the natural cycles of my life. Help me trust your timing in my life.

Activity: Pick one segment of nature and study it. Maybe you’ll choose the sunrise and the sunset. Or choose a favorite park. Or the ocean. Even a lake will do. Don’t just think about it. Actually do it, for your meditation time today. Spend ten minutes to half an hour just sitting with and contemplating a segment of nature that speaks to you.

Commitment: May 30

As we walk through life, there are many things and people we may lose, or lose out on, if we are unwilling to commit. We need to make a commitment for relationships to grow beyond the dating stage, to have the home or apartment we want, the job we want, or the car we desire.

We must commit, on deep levels, to careers—to goals—to family, friends, recovery. Trying something will not enable us to succeed. Committing ourselves will.

Yet, we need never commit before we are ready.

Sometimes, our fear of commitment is telling us something. We may not want to commit to a particular relationship, purchase, or career. Other times, it is a matter of our fears working their way out. Wait, then. Wait until the issue becomes clear.

Trust yourself. Ask your Higher Power to remove your fear of commitment. Ask God to remove your blocks to commitment. Ask God for guidance.

Ask yourself if you are willing to lose what you will not commit to. Then listen, quietly. And wait until a decision seems consistently right and comfortable.

We need to be able to commit, but we need never commit until we are ready.

Trust that you will commit when you want to.

God, guide me in making my commitments. Give me the courage to make those that are right for me, the wisdom to not commit to that which does not feel right, and the patience to wait until I know.

May 29

See for yourself.

Action: Before you get out of bed in the morning, try to put all ideas you have about that day out of your mind. Then make a deliberate decision to stay open to all the possibilities. Cultivate an attitude of curiosity. If you are running into a series of events where assumptions have gotten you into trouble, you may want to slow down and put extra effort into checking things out. Remember that, when in doubt, it’s okay to ask.

MAY 28: Let the Universe Support You

Who or what is your source of power? Who or what are you connected to?

Watch yourself as you go through your days. Where do you get your nurturing, your support, your empowerment, your energy? Does it all come from one person? Do you have a multitude of sources? Do you consider God, the Divine, your ultimate source?

There was a time when many of us made one person our only source. That time is past. Although special people are in our lives to be of special support, one of our lessons has been to broaden our connections, to connect to the universe, to open up to all the love and support that is there for us. If we use for our source only one person, one job, one place, one situation, we may encounter problems. Searching for many sources of support is a sign of our growth, a sign that we are continuing on our journey.

Value and cherish the people in your life who feed your soul and nurture your heart. Value and cherish the people who are special to you, who you hold dear, who help support you. But don’t limit your connections. Open your heart to a living universe. Open your heart to Divine love.

Know that if you can’t get what you need from one person or place, it is because the universe has something or someone better for your needs and your growth.

Who and what are you connected to? Are you willing to become connected to the universe?

Open your heart, your mind, your soul, and let the
universe teach you about Divine love. Stop limiting
your source to only one person. Open to a limitless
source of support and energy. Open to the universe.

May 27: Say when it’s not right for you

Not all doors that open up are good for us to walk through.

Sometimes, we’re in that dark corridor, and no doors or windows are open. Then, a crack of light appears. We get an offer—for a job, for a relationship, for a place to live. Our gut goes off. We know this isn’t right for us. If we weren’t desperate, we wouldn’t consider it.

You’re not desperate. Even if you are, act as if you aren’t. If it’s not right for you, it’s not right for you. Back off—even though you may be burning with impatience and desperation.

You don’t have to do anything that’s not right for you.

God, grant me a spirit of serenity and patience. Help me take a moment before making any decision to ask for guidance first.

Gossip: May 26

Intimacy is that warm gift of feeling connected to others and enjoying our connection to them.

As we grow in recovery, we find that gift in many, sometimes surprising places. We may discover we’ve developed intimate relationships with people at work, with friends, with people in our support groups—sometimes with family members. Many of us are discovering intimacy in a special love relationship.

Intimacy is not sex, although sex can be intimate. Intimacy means mutually honest, warm, caring, safe relationships—relationships where the other person can be who he or she is and we can be who we are—and both people are valued.

Sometimes there are conflicts. Conflict is inevitable. Sometimes there are troublesome feelings to work through. Sometimes the boundaries or parameters of relationships change. But there is a bond—one of love and trust.

There are many blocks to intimacy and intimate relationships. Addictions and abuse block intimacy. Unresolved family of origin issues prevent intimacy. Controlling blocks intimacy. Off balance relationships, where there is too great a discrepancy in power, prevent intimacy. Caretaking can block intimacy. Nagging, withdrawing, and shutting down can hurt intimacy.

So can a simple behavior like gossip—for example, gossiping about another for motives of diminishing him or her in order to build up ourselves or to judge the person. To discuss another person’s issues, shortcomings, or failures with someone else will have a predictable negative impact on the relationship.

We deserve to enjoy intimacy in as many of our relationships as possible. We deserve relationships that have not been sabotaged.

That does not mean we walk around with our heads in the clouds; it means we strive to keep our motives clean when it comes to discussing other people.

If we have a serious issue with someone, the best way to resolve it is to bring the issue to that person.

Direct, clean conversation clears the air and paves the way for intimacy, for good feelings about ourselves and our relationships with others.

Today, God, help me let go of my fear of intimacy. Help me strive to keep my communications with others clean and free from malicious gossip. Help me work toward intimacy in my relationships. Help me deal as directly as possible with my feelings.

May 24

I was on a train in China with my hiking partner. The train’s departure time was delayed. We sat across a table from a man and woman who looked to be in their late twenties or early thirties. The delay in departing went on and on. Like us, the couple we sat across from had brought a large bag of snack foods onto the train.

“They remind me of us,” I said in a voice they could clearly hear. I didn’t think this couple spoke English. “Kind of cute, but nerdy. And look,” I said. “They’ve already eaten all their snacks, and we haven’t even left the station.”

Finally, the train took off. About half an hour into the ride, the man across from us smiled. “So, where are you guys from?” he asked in perfect English.

We can prejudge people to be gods and saints, then become disappointed when we find out they’re not. We can assume that others have nothing to teach us because of their humble or simple lifestyles. Some people say that to assume makes an ass out of u and me. Usually when I assume, it simply irritates other people and makes an ass out of me.

Inventory Focus: Are you prejudging a situation or a person right now? Do you have a history of pre-deciding how something or someone is going to be, then plowing ahead based on that decision instead of staying aware and open? Is life trying to get your attention right now? Sometimes circumstances change. There’s no substitute for daily awareness.