Comments for Melody Beattie http://melodybeattie.com Living in the Mystery Wed, 22 Feb 2012 17:26:10 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.3 Comment on CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? by Melody http://melodybeattie.com/can-you-hear-me-now/#comment-983 Melody Wed, 22 Feb 2012 17:26:10 +0000 http://melodybeattie.com/blog/?p=77#comment-983 To the man who wrote to me a couple days ago, and then yesterday, and requested that I delete his emails: This is my response. Please, take it to heart. Also, I suggest (beyond what follows), that you ask people online what the "good online groups are" that might work for you. So, here's my response. (I've been losing a lot of my work, so I wrote my response to you first in Word, and then pasted it here.) ... Hi. I’m going to delete your email to me again. But we need to come up with a plan for you that works for all of u – you, your wife, the children and me. You aren’t directly asking for help, but I’m assuming you’re indirectly pleading for an answer to your problems. If I’m wrong, please let me know. This is what I suggest: go to www.MelodyBeattie.net (the Grief Club site). On it are people dealing with many different kinds of loss situations, and many people have similar situations to yours. At the Grief Club Site, register anonymously. Do not use your real name. Please. I can’t tell you the number of people who ignored this suggestion, and then came back later and asked to have their real name removed and to sign in again (which is hard, as their email is locked into the registration process and difficult to remove). After signing in with an anonymous name, look for others with similar problems – codependency, alcoholism, etc. While it looks, feels, and makes sense that you’re not the person with the problem, you do have a problem on your hands – your pain from the situation you’re living with, and that situation’s impact on you and your children. The course of your life and your children’s lives hang in the balance. The choices you make now will affect you, your wife, and your six children for the rest of your lives – but understand, there is no guarantee you can change anyone but yourself. You can however create an optimum environment for positive change for yourself and others. Online, search out various twelve step recovery programs, many of which you can attend online (in addition to working with others on the grief site). Although you didn’t grow up with alcoholism, the number one sign of codependency is when someone reads Codependent No More and sees another person in it. Seriously. It’s not fair that they have the problem, and we need the recovery, but that’s the way it is. You sound stable; you sound scared. There are things you can do. It’s time for you to do them now. There are meetings for your children. I don’t know what your insurance situation is, but whether you do or don’t have insurance, whether you do or don’t have money, there are programs that will help you and your family. In fact, in five years – you may not recognize the family you’re living with, or the behaviors that used to take place. Good luck, stay in touch, and get busy searching out online words like: online twelve-step groups for addicts, alcoholics, codependents, and children. You’ll find something. Look for the groups that are right for you. Also, although you didn’t say where you live, dial 211, and ask for referrals to free support groups for codependency, addiction, and people in your situation. Start looking, and you’ll find what you’re looking for, even if you don’t know what that is. Best, Melody Beattie. To the man who wrote to me a couple days ago, and then yesterday, and requested that I delete his emails: This is my response. Please, take it to heart. Also, I suggest (beyond what follows), that you ask people online what the “good online groups are” that might work for you. So, here’s my response. (I’ve been losing a lot of my work, so I wrote my response to you first in Word, and then pasted it here.)

…

Hi. I’m going to delete your email to me again. But we need to come up with a plan for you that works for all of u – you, your wife, the children and me. You aren’t directly asking for help, but I’m assuming you’re indirectly pleading for an answer to your problems. If I’m wrong, please let me know. This is what I suggest: go to http://www.MelodyBeattie.net (the Grief Club site). On it are people dealing with many different kinds of loss situations, and many people have similar situations to yours.
At the Grief Club Site, register anonymously. Do not use your real name. Please. I can’t tell you the number of people who ignored this suggestion, and then came back later and asked to have their real name removed and to sign in again (which is hard, as their email is locked into the registration process and difficult to remove). After signing in with an anonymous name, look for others with similar problems – codependency, alcoholism, etc. While it looks, feels, and makes sense that you’re not the person with the problem, you do have a problem on your hands – your pain from the situation you’re living with, and that situation’s impact on you and your children.
The course of your life and your children’s lives hang in the balance. The choices you make now will affect you, your wife, and your six children for the rest of your lives – but understand, there is no guarantee you can change anyone but yourself. You can however create an optimum environment for positive change for yourself and others.
Online, search out various twelve step recovery programs, many of which you can attend online (in addition to working with others on the grief site). Although you didn’t grow up with alcoholism, the number one sign of codependency is when someone reads Codependent No More and sees another person in it. Seriously. It’s not fair that they have the problem, and we need the recovery, but that’s the way it is. You sound stable; you sound scared. There are things you can do. It’s time for you to do them now.
There are meetings for your children. I don’t know what your insurance situation is, but whether you do or don’t have insurance, whether you do or don’t have money, there are programs that will help you and your family. In fact, in five years – you may not recognize the family you’re living with, or the behaviors that used to take place. Good luck, stay in touch, and get busy searching out online words like: online twelve-step groups for addicts, alcoholics, codependents, and children. You’ll find something. Look for the groups that are right for you. Also, although you didn’t say where you live, dial 211, and ask for referrals to free support groups for codependency, addiction, and people in your situation. Start looking, and you’ll find what you’re looking for, even if you don’t know what that is. Best, Melody Beattie.

]]> Comment on TALKING ABOUT …. by Melody http://melodybeattie.com/talking-about/#comment-982 Melody Wed, 22 Feb 2012 17:24:06 +0000 http://melodybeattie.com/?p=542#comment-982 If my apology didn't get published, I apologize now to the gentleman who wanted to interview me, and the college student who needed some of my time. Please, accept my apology. All I can do is explain that the last year has been insane with this embezzlement, training in a new coa with no reference material, trying to switch (somewhat) careers, and the rest of the necessary (as opposed to codependently created) chaos. I'm sorry. This isn't justification; it's an explanation. Both your requests are legitimate and matter, and not responding was my fault. Please let me know if there's a "living amends' I can make in both these matters, and I'll do what I can. Melody If my apology didn’t get published, I apologize now to the gentleman who wanted to interview me, and the college student who needed some of my time. Please, accept my apology. All I can do is explain that the last year has been insane with this embezzlement, training in a new coa with no reference material, trying to switch (somewhat) careers, and the rest of the necessary (as opposed to codependently created) chaos. I’m sorry. This isn’t justification; it’s an explanation. Both your requests are legitimate and matter, and not responding was my fault. Please let me know if there’s a “living amends’ I can make in both these matters, and I’ll do what I can. Melody

]]> Comment on TALKING ABOUT …. by Melody http://melodybeattie.com/talking-about/#comment-981 Melody Wed, 22 Feb 2012 17:21:21 +0000 http://melodybeattie.com/?p=542#comment-981 Did my letter of apology to the two people that got lost in the chaos (the one who wanted to interview me and the college student) get posted? Would someone please let me know? The site is doing odd things. Thanks, Melody. Did my letter of apology to the two people that got lost in the chaos (the one who wanted to interview me and the college student) get posted? Would someone please let me know? The site is doing odd things. Thanks, Melody.

]]> Comment on TALKING ABOUT …. by Melody http://melodybeattie.com/talking-about/#comment-980 Melody Wed, 22 Feb 2012 17:11:20 +0000 http://melodybeattie.com/?p=542#comment-980 Wow. Thank you. But this is my give-back, and one way I continue to help save my life. It is my pleasure -- truly -- to be of service to my readers. I'm not sure you all know how much you mean to me. Melody Wow. Thank you. But this is my give-back, and one way I continue to help save my life. It is my pleasure — truly — to be of service to my readers. I’m not sure you all know how much you mean to me. Melody

]]> Comment on Something that Helps You Feel Better Feelin’ Bad by Melody http://melodybeattie.com/something-that-helps-you-feel-better-feelin-bad/#comment-979 Melody Wed, 22 Feb 2012 09:03:35 +0000 http://melodybeattie.com/?p=603#comment-979 Hi. I’m going to delete your email to me again. But we need to come up with a plan for you that works for all of u – you, your wife, the children and me. You aren’t directly asking for help, but I’m assuming you’re indirectly pleading for an answer to your problems. If I’m wrong, please let me know. This is what I suggest: go to www.MelodyBeattie.net (the Grief Club site). On it are people dealing with many different kinds of loss situations, and many people have similar situations to yours. At the Grief Club Site, register anonymously. Do not use your real name. Please. I can’t tell you the number of people who ignored this suggestion, and then came back later and asked to have their real name removed and to sign in again (which is hard, as their email is locked into the registration process and difficult to remove). After signing in with an anonymous name, look for others with similar problems – codependency, alcoholism, etc. While it looks, feels, and makes sense that you’re not the person with the problem, you do have a problem on your hands – your pain from the situation you’re living with, and that situation’s impact on you and your children. The course of your life and your children’s lives hang in the balance. The choices you make now will affect you, your wife, and your six children for the rest of your lives – but understand, there is no guarantee you can change anyone but yourself. You can however create an optimum environment for positive change for yourself and others. Online, search out various twelve step recovery programs, many of which you can attend online (in addition to working with others on the grief site). Although you didn’t grow up with alcoholism, the number one sign of codependency is when someone reads Codependent No More and sees another person in it. Seriously. It’s not fair that they have the problem, and we need the recovery, but that’s the way it is. You sound stable; you sound scared. There are things you can do. It’s time for you to do them now. There are meetings for your children. I don’t know what your insurance situation is, but whether you do or don’t have insurance, whether you do or don’t have money, there are programs that will help you and your family. In fact, in five years – you may not recognize the family you’re living with, or the behaviors that used to take place. Good luck, stay in touch, and get busy searching out online words like: online twelve-step groups for addicts, alcoholics, codependents, and children. You’ll find something. Look for the groups that are right for you. Also, although you didn’t say where you live, dial 211, and ask for referrals to free support groups for codependency, addiction, and people in your situation. Start looking, and you’ll find what you’re looking for, even if you don’t know what that is. Best, Melody Beattie. PS -- Grief -- the pain of loss - and not dealing with that pain, is the true culprit that can cause codependency. While you sound like you came from a happy and stable family, it sounds like you're living now in a family full of pain. That can create codependency. Hi. I’m going to delete your email to me again. But we need to come up with a plan for you that works for all of u – you, your wife, the children and me. You aren’t directly asking for help, but I’m assuming you’re indirectly pleading for an answer to your problems. If I’m wrong, please let me know. This is what I suggest: go to http://www.MelodyBeattie.net (the Grief Club site). On it are people dealing with many different kinds of loss situations, and many people have similar situations to yours.
At the Grief Club Site, register anonymously. Do not use your real name. Please. I can’t tell you the number of people who ignored this suggestion, and then came back later and asked to have their real name removed and to sign in again (which is hard, as their email is locked into the registration process and difficult to remove). After signing in with an anonymous name, look for others with similar problems – codependency, alcoholism, etc. While it looks, feels, and makes sense that you’re not the person with the problem, you do have a problem on your hands – your pain from the situation you’re living with, and that situation’s impact on you and your children.
The course of your life and your children’s lives hang in the balance. The choices you make now will affect you, your wife, and your six children for the rest of your lives – but understand, there is no guarantee you can change anyone but yourself. You can however create an optimum environment for positive change for yourself and others.
Online, search out various twelve step recovery programs, many of which you can attend online (in addition to working with others on the grief site). Although you didn’t grow up with alcoholism, the number one sign of codependency is when someone reads Codependent No More and sees another person in it. Seriously. It’s not fair that they have the problem, and we need the recovery, but that’s the way it is. You sound stable; you sound scared. There are things you can do. It’s time for you to do them now.
There are meetings for your children. I don’t know what your insurance situation is, but whether you do or don’t have insurance, whether you do or don’t have money, there are programs that will help you and your family. In fact, in five years – you may not recognize the family you’re living with, or the behaviors that used to take place. Good luck, stay in touch, and get busy searching out online words like: online twelve-step groups for addicts, alcoholics, codependents, and children. You’ll find something. Look for the groups that are right for you. Also, although you didn’t say where you live, dial 211, and ask for referrals to free support groups for codependency, addiction, and people in your situation. Start looking, and you’ll find what you’re looking for, even if you don’t know what that is. Best, Melody Beattie. PS — Grief — the pain of loss – and not dealing with that pain, is the true culprit that can cause codependency. While you sound like you came from a happy and stable family, it sounds like you’re living now in a family full of pain. That can create codependency.

]]> Comment on Something that Helps You Feel Better Feelin’ Bad by Melody http://melodybeattie.com/something-that-helps-you-feel-better-feelin-bad/#comment-977 Melody Mon, 20 Feb 2012 11:58:43 +0000 http://melodybeattie.com/?p=603#comment-977 To the gentlemen who contacted me, it is physically impossible for me to have personal contact with all members on the forum -- which is one reason why I created a forum. It is there for people to support each other. Let me say this though -- anyone who reads the book and outlines paragraphs because they remind that person of someone else, that person has codependency issues too. Start by going online -- there are excellent twelve step groups for free where you can have anonimity. Read the book you did -- and you might benefit from Lanaguage of Letting Go too (but I hate pushing my books). There are many good books by many good authors on the subject of codependency. Awareness is the first step for change -- but we can't change anyone but ourselves. I'm going to post this on the site and take down (tot the best of my ability) your post. Thanks, Melody Beattie. PS -- If you start looking for answers, you definitely will find them. You're already being guided and shown what to do. To the gentlemen who contacted me, it is physically impossible for me to have personal contact with all members on the forum — which is one reason why I created a forum. It is there for people to support each other. Let me say this though — anyone who reads the book and outlines paragraphs because they remind that person of someone else, that person has codependency issues too. Start by going online — there are excellent twelve step groups for free where you can have anonimity. Read the book you did — and you might benefit from Lanaguage of Letting Go too (but I hate pushing my books). There are many good books by many good authors on the subject of codependency. Awareness is the first step for change — but we can’t change anyone but ourselves. I’m going to post this on the site and take down (tot the best of my ability) your post. Thanks, Melody Beattie. PS — If you start looking for answers, you definitely will find them. You’re already being guided and shown what to do.

]]> Comment on SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT …. If You’re Brave by Melody Beattie http://melodybeattie.com/something-to-think-about-if-youre-brave/#comment-974 Melody Beattie Fri, 17 Feb 2012 07:07:46 +0000 http://melodybeattie.com/?p=626#comment-974 Hi Eileen. The name of this Blog is, "Living in the Mystery." I'm there right now -- not knowing what's next -- and so are many of my friends (both online and in the physical world.) We're called upon to trust what we don't know, more than we trust what we do know -- and that's a tough spot. We're used to knowing our path (or thinking we do). It's just plain scary, and we want to know (the unknowable). Relaxing into our life, and trusting the steps that are given to us each day, is our only way through this void. I'm writing this just to let you know that you're not alone; you're part of a club. We can't walk each other's path for our friends, but we can know that we're all in a simialr place -- we don't know what's next and we want to; we're coming through or out of an amazingly painful loss; we're wondering if there even is a path for us. All I can do is tell you "Yes. There is a path for you." Likely, it will creep up on you so slowly that you'll barely notice it taking shape and form. Things you believe are insignificant will take on a greater role in your life (in all our lives). The pattern of a new life taking shape and form is similar. In retrospect, it's an awesome one and I use the word "awesome" sparingly and with great reverence). All I can do is say -- for right now, breathe. Your new life will take on its shape or form and when you look back, you'll say, "Wow. Why didn't i see that one coming! This is cool." Your faith will be renewed, and so will you. Best Melody PS -- Right now, I'm having a "discussion" with a friend who's also in the void. He desperately wants to "get a macheti and carve out a path." When I suggest that's all about control and it won't work, he argues with me about that too. Likely, there will be times we try to control what's coming next. Like I tell him, "Good luck with that." (It's an agreeable disagreement.) Hi Eileen. The name of this Blog is, “Living in the Mystery.” I’m there right now — not knowing what’s next — and so are many of my friends (both online and in the physical world.) We’re called upon to trust what we don’t know, more than we trust what we do know — and that’s a tough spot. We’re used to knowing our path (or thinking we do). It’s just plain scary, and we want to know (the unknowable). Relaxing into our life, and trusting the steps that are given to us each day, is our only way through this void. I’m writing this just to let you know that you’re not alone; you’re part of a club. We can’t walk each other’s path for our friends, but we can know that we’re all in a simialr place — we don’t know what’s next and we want to; we’re coming through or out of an amazingly painful loss; we’re wondering if there even is a path for us. All I can do is tell you “Yes. There is a path for you.” Likely, it will creep up on you so slowly that you’ll barely notice it taking shape and form. Things you believe are insignificant will take on a greater role in your life (in all our lives). The pattern of a new life taking shape and form is similar. In retrospect, it’s an awesome one and I use the word “awesome” sparingly and with great reverence). All I can do is say — for right now, breathe. Your new life will take on its shape or form and when you look back, you’ll say, “Wow. Why didn’t i see that one coming! This is cool.” Your faith will be renewed, and so will you. Best Melody PS — Right now, I’m having a “discussion” with a friend who’s also in the void. He desperately wants to “get a macheti and carve out a path.” When I suggest that’s all about control and it won’t work, he argues with me about that too. Likely, there will be times we try to control what’s coming next. Like I tell him, “Good luck with that.” (It’s an agreeable disagreement.)

]]> Comment on SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT …. If You’re Brave by Lisa O http://melodybeattie.com/something-to-think-about-if-youre-brave/#comment-973 Lisa O Wed, 15 Feb 2012 10:59:11 +0000 http://melodybeattie.com/?p=626#comment-973 Hello, Eileen, Thank you for sharing your experiences and discoveries. I am looking forward to the day my understanding arrives at the place that brings me comfort when I think of this little piece of our planet after I am gone from it. For now, I cannot bear the thought of leaving forever the land and the trees and all else that thrives here. I am somewhat confused as to why I am feeling this so deeply, though I am sure I will know it someday. Perhaps if I think of it as the coyotes here do: they go where their needs can be met. Perhaps if I think of the benefits I might find for myself and my children in another place. But that is the unknown. Talk about feeling uncomfortable... My son and I love, love, loved Ireland when we visited when he was five years old. Of course, we did a lot of children's things, and only a few pub visits...but we made some friends and have always talked of returning. I believe we missed our chance at dual citizenship for our children as my father-in-law just passed \to his next great adventure\ as my son put it, a month ago; doesn't mean we can still visit. Thank you, again, for sharing here. Your words have helped me to grow through this experience a little bit easier; reminding me I will be okay when it is all finished. Perhaps that's how we should think of things: we are not \going through\ something, we are \growing through\ it. Here's to growing through YOUR next great adventure, Eileen! ~ Lisa O Hello, Eileen, Thank you for sharing your experiences and discoveries. I am looking forward to the day my understanding arrives at the place that brings me comfort when I think of this little piece of our planet after I am gone from it. For now, I cannot bear the thought of leaving forever the land and the trees and all else that thrives here. I am somewhat confused as to why I am feeling this so deeply, though I am sure I will know it someday. Perhaps if I think of it as the coyotes here do: they go where their needs can be met. Perhaps if I think of the benefits I might find for myself and my children in another place. But that is the unknown. Talk about feeling uncomfortable…
My son and I love, love, loved Ireland when we visited when he was five years old. Of course, we did a lot of children’s things, and only a few pub visits…but we made some friends and have always talked of returning. I believe we missed our chance at dual citizenship for our children as my father-in-law just passed \to his next great adventure\ as my son put it, a month ago; doesn’t mean we can still visit. Thank you, again, for sharing here. Your words have helped me to grow through this experience a little bit easier; reminding me I will be okay when it is all finished. Perhaps that’s how we should think of things: we are not \going through\ something, we are \growing through\ it. Here’s to growing through YOUR next great adventure, Eileen! ~ Lisa O

]]> Comment on SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT …. If You’re Brave by Eileen http://melodybeattie.com/something-to-think-about-if-youre-brave/#comment-971 Eileen Tue, 14 Feb 2012 14:01:54 +0000 http://melodybeattie.com/?p=626#comment-971 it was gut wrenchingly tough to leave my home after the divorce....truly thought it would be the very end of me....taking things one day at time was vital to living through it...and live through it i did...i experience it now in my heart as a source of comfort...with gratitude that i didn't take it for granted at the time...and with a growing understanding that my spirit and my world ought not be limited to one place...i recently was granted Irish citizenship...no immediate plans ...it's wonderful to know i have choices--- and the power and ability to act on them...who knows where my path will lead...or who i will meet along the way...or what i will some day see out a new window... .... at home... it was gut wrenchingly tough to leave my home after the divorce….truly thought it would be the very end of me….taking things one day at time was vital to living through it…and live through it i did…i experience it now in my heart as a source of comfort…with gratitude that i didn’t take it for granted at the time…and with a growing understanding that my spirit and my world ought not be limited to one place…i recently was granted Irish citizenship…no immediate plans …it’s wonderful to know i have choices— and the power and ability to act on them…who knows where my path will lead…or who i will meet along the way…or what i will some day see out a new window… …. at home…

]]> Comment on THE HARDEST PART by Lisa B. http://melodybeattie.com/the-hardest-part-2/#comment-969 Lisa B. Mon, 13 Feb 2012 23:30:41 +0000 http://melodybeattie.com/?p=523#comment-969 I remember how excited I used to get on Valentine's Day when I was younger...meaning Kindergarden through age 45. Then it stopped. Valentine's Day has taken on a new meaning, and all you younger peeps with great partners, party on and enjoy the gifts...us older folks, or some of us without partners, please lets enjoy LIFE and the spiritual gifts, that are just so abundant when we really look. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO EVERYONE, AND TO ALL, A GREAT LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH WHOMEVER AND WHATEVER. PEACE. Lisa I remember how excited I used to get on Valentine’s Day when I was younger…meaning Kindergarden through age 45. Then it stopped. Valentine’s Day has taken on a new meaning, and all you younger peeps with great partners, party on and enjoy the gifts…us older folks, or some of us without partners, please lets enjoy LIFE and the spiritual gifts, that are just so abundant when we really look. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO EVERYONE, AND TO ALL, A GREAT LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH WHOMEVER AND WHATEVER. PEACE. Lisa

]]>