April 9: Be Who and Where You Are
One day when I was new to recovery from chemical dependency, I looked around at my living situation, my job, my relationships. Nothing felt right. A chronic sense of being in the wrong place at the wrong time was overriding everything I did. My life felt like an ongoing series of errors.
I had heard talk about a brilliant therapist, one who was particularly effective in getting to core issues. Whatever was going on in my core, I wanted it to be resolved.
The problem was that this therapist lived way out in a rural area. I didn’t have a car. I’d need to take the bus. He saw people only during the week. I worked nine-to-five, Monday through Friday. And his fees, although well-deserved, were high for my budget.
I saved enough money to pay for a session. Then I made an appointment. I was so excited.
The big day arrived. I started my series of bus rides (I had to transfer three times) at 5:00 P.M., when I finished work. By 7:30 that evening, I arrived at the estate where this therapist lived and worked. I was exhausted but elated when I finally sat down across from this teddy bear of a man who had helped so many people progress in their lives.
In elaborate detail, I began spilling out what was going on in my life. I explained that I was recovering, trying to do the right things, going to my support groups, making my amends to people I had hurt—but nothing felt right. A chronic sense of uneasiness plagued my life, no matter what I did.
He listened to what I said. Then he leaned back in his chair.
“Melody,” he said calmly, confidently.
“You’re right where you need to be.”
I gathered my things, walked the two blocks to the bus stop, and rode the several buses back to my small cubicle of an apartment in South Minneapolis. The lesson stayed with me for life. When nothing in our lives feels right, sometimes the answer isn’t doing more or searching frantically for the miracle we need. The miracle comes when we accept, believe, and trust that who we are right now is who we need to be.
Save yourself the time, the money, and the trip.
Be your own guru.
God, thank you for where I am today. Help me trust that when I need to be someplace else, you’ll naturally move me to that place.