To People Further Down the Grief Road

January 02, 2018

Woman standing on dirt road

Is someone you care about grieving?  Do you wonder what to do to help?  You can post questions at The Grief Club site at http://www.MelodyBeattie.net in the forum attached to appropriate groups or start a group and ask questions, post at the end of this article, or comment at Living in the Mystery, my blog at http://www.MelodyBeattie.com/blog. Attach comments to any blog. Your post will go directly to my personal email.  I’ll respond as soon as I can.  Please suggest any subjects you want me to address.

I’ll include more articles for friends of people in grief in the public and Members Only sections. Your articles are welcome too.   You’re also invited to attend any chats or workshops held — they aren’t closed and don’t exclude you.  Occasionally I may charge a small fee but most will be free.  Know that by registering, you will not set yourself up to receive spam, sales pitches, or annoying emails.  I haven’t, don’t, and won’t do that.  My promises to people who register are:  no dues, no fees, no tricks, no spam, no pop-ups and no sales pitches.

This site does offer a small gift shop, but only as a service.  We have items directly connected to grief. You can visit the gift shop if you need help or ideas for an appropriate gift for someone experiencing loss.  Items are limited and carefully selected.  My favorite — and one which I wish was available back in the early nineties, are handmade comfort quilts made from the jeans of a lost loved one.

Sometimes we miss the physical touch of someone so much it aches.  Literally, it hurts.  No, a quilt sewn from that person’s jeans won’t bring him or her back, but it helps to touch something that person touched, wore, or used. It holds the memory of his or her energy, vibrations, scent.  Each of us has a unique smell.

The Grief Club site is a safe place to go for people in pain now and the people who love them.  I want to keep it that way — safe.  That means no solicitors, no controlling, no telling people what to do, no judgments.  Avoid negativity and intellectualizing grief (for example, making comments such as, “You’re just feeling sorry for yourself” or “It’s God’s Will.)  While some statements may be true, they aren’t compassionate and they don’t help people heal.  All I ask is that you commit to not hurting anyone else or yourself.  By using this site, you agree to that.  If you don’t agree, then please go no further.

The Privacy Policies, monitored by an outside organization, cover these issues in detail.  If you haven’t read them yet, do.  Please review the Disclaimers and Code of Conduct too.  If you’ve read this far, you’ve agreed to abide by the Policies, Disclaimers, and rules. It’s important to know what you’re committing to do.

This site isn’t about only death.  It covers many losses, including doing Family of Origin work – looking at and healing from childhood or past losses — those things we didn’t get and may not even be aware we missed.  If you’ve already done your historical work, please consider registering anyway.  You may be surprised at how much grief you still have left.  Unresolved grief from yesterday is the biggest barrier to joy and peace now.

I’ll be here as much as I can, but the purpose of this site isn’t to generate money. I need to earn a living too.  If you’re further down the road with healing from loss and grief, we need you here to help and support people who are raw and newly hurting from loss. You can role model hope to people who wonder if they’ll ever not hurt as much as they do.

If you’ve experienced loss and have found your balance again, this is an opportunity for you to make that loss count by sharing yourself with others. It helps  grieving people to believe that they can get through whatever their process brings and to know that someday, they will be at peace and happy again.  Knowing you’re not alone won’t take the pain away but it can make it easier to endure.

Whether you’re in grief now, have been in grief, or care about someone who hurts, this site is for you. Together, we make an elite club, although it’s one we didn’t want to join.  The losses we’ve endured are too important not to make them count.  By reaching out to others, you become a healer.  We need you.  Together we can make this a special place for people who hurt to come.

From the desk of Melody Beattie
Originally posted 2010

Note: As much as Melody would love to respond to all comments, this sometimes isn't feasible with her busy schedule. Please feel free to leave a comment but do so knowing she will only be able to respond when she has some time away from writing. She does receive your comments and deeply cares about what you have to say so please do leave a comment if you are compelled to do so.

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  • Ventura8020

    I experienced three deaths of loved ones … within 6 years. just as I was getting some balance, another loss. It’s been 11 years since the first loss (my husband, by his own hand), next was my “baby” brother he was just 47, and then my father — he was 93. I can say the first death, and my brothers were harder because they were young men,,, and their deaths were sudden, tragic, unexpected. It took a toll and even today sometimes the loss is too sharp. I am here though not for myself… I am happy today, I find joy, I live with — not against – the loss. I am here trying to find ways to help another deal with different kind of loss… chronic pain that limits and changes his life. It is a type of grief to be so changed, to lose abilities you had as an athlete, to suffer weekly high level pain for hours and hours… to not know what is possible for the next day or week, never mind years ahead. To not know if illness will progress, with more losses, pain and life gets more limited, more sad? This is an overwhelming life, a constant struggle and demands a never ending well of will power, courage and patience. Letting others in is an act of faith… that you can stand to have them near and they can stand to see you in pain, sad, sometimes hopeless. I read Lessons of Love, amazing and helpful and brought me here. I could write about my loss out right, I wrote in fiction, it was healing. I know part of how to help my love, but I need more…I need away to support him that’s helpful, not demanding, not pushy, not just solution oriented (meds, treatments etc are so faro little use… pain management is all that’s offered.) So, how to navigate pain that isn’t mine, but his… but hurts my heart too? How to love him — sometimes from a far as he can’t always have the courage or energy needed to include me.
    It’s a balance to love this way… not to smother, just to be near … I say I am North Star true. Thanks for reading. Some griefs can be encapsulated, lived with over time, soften or smooth like sea glass in the ocean, but chronic pain and loss o what you can do, and so part o who you are… in someone you love so much? It’s hell for him, and for me I say … it makes the air sad… my way of saying it is so very overwhelming. I thought I’d “done” grief, husband’s suicide at 39, dearest brother’s death at 47 (diabetes complications, he was a brittle diabetic for his lifetime… )… and I have done death and like Ms Bettie’s book says, decided to do life anyway… (Living the 8020 way was a better help book than lots of grief self help books for me…. I have no financial or other interests in the book… just found it helpful at a most painful time.) I am open to contact, comments, and send my hopes for love, healing and peace to all in pain or grief or depression. My nightly meditation is… (for all people) May we have health, May we have peace, May we live in love with ease. I find it centers me on what’s important.