Melody’s Autobiography
Melody’s Latest Release
SHORT BLOG, LONG WALK
Faith is knowing there’s a light at the end of the tunnel — even if it’s turned off.
Be back soon blogging away; for now, I’m crushed by paperwork.
Meanwhile, could someone turn on that light? Please?
Oh, I see. No, I don’t see the light. I see that nobody can do it for me, and that walking in the darkness when I don’t know where each step will land or where I’m headed is what I’m meant to do. Each step I take is like the light you turn on by clapping your hands. Only this light we turn on by taking that next step.
Okay, but I’m not happy about it. Oh. Nobody said I had to be (happy). That’s my choice. How about this — I let myself feel whatever I feel. That’s a novel concept. No, I didn’t invent it.
With all the pain, anger, frustration, sadness, I wouldn’t eliminate feelings from life if someone gave me the choice. It would take all the color and passion away. No, thank you. I’ll pass on the anti-depressants. Not because they’re bad or wrong; just because my body doesn’t like them. Dang thing wants to feel whatever is there. Can you beat that?
I’m raw. I cry. I plug away at this thing — this reconstruction of my life after “allegedly being embezzled out of almost half a million dollars” — especially when you count the added costs. Then it’s more like, well, six or seven hundred thousand dollars. What’s the price of a year of life?
I’ve heard there’s a purpose for this. Doesn’t help me to hear that. I’ve heard God will find a way to pay me back. Then, why didn’t He just let me keep it to begin with? Ha! Got you there.
Maybe, just maybe, this rawness will spice my creativity, help me tell good stories, help you relate to me. Oh, I see. I don’t get to know what the value is until later, in retrospect. Remember what? I can’t hear you. Oh, the Language of Letting Go.
That’s what I’m talking, and that’s what I’m talking about. We don’t let go in an instant, a moment. We don’t let go without going through all our emotions. It can be an awkward and ugly process.
But it gets us where we need to go. This time, you get to see me go through it in real time. Not five years later, when it’s all cleaned up and tidy — packed away in the basement in a box.
Hey! I see that light…or is it a firefly? Guess it doesn’t matter. Light is light.
Love you all. Thanks for the suport, prayers and kind thoughts. You hold me up. Seriously. Every positive and loving thought is like someone taking my hand, energizing me, and helping me walk my path.
I’m grateful. I’m just not sure what for yet.
Plod. Plod. Plod. Sometimes that’s what we’ve got to do. It’s not forever. It’s just for right now.
Best,
Melody
Melody, I really appreciate your descriptions of your feelings, experiences and struggles. I totally relate. Thank you for taking time to blog amidst your piles of paperwork. When you write about your life you often put into words exactly what I’m feeling and that makes me feel understood. That feels really good. I’m very sorry for your loss and heartbreak. I wish there were a magic wand to wave it all away but you’re right, feeling our feelings and taking one step at a time (plod, plod, plod) is the only way through. I’m facing a visit from my mom in a few days and I’ve struggled with my relationship with her for years (and I feel like at 46 yrs. old I should be done). I like how you describe our emotions as ‘awkward and ugly’. That definitely sums it up. Thank you for writing….you also hold me up in my journey of trying to accept and feel all my emotions. I send you thoughts of love, peace, healing, and light.
Hi Karin. Thanks for your support. And that goes both ways. I kept thinking (with my mother) — “I should be over that (getting hooked by her, getting my buttons pushed, etc.) by now; I should be bigger than that.” Then, I’d get around her and I’d be 12 again. It made me feel like such a failure. (In the end it all worked out beautifully — but it was a long road to the end.) Letting Go is a learned behavior, but it takes practice and sometimes it’s just hard and miserable — it’s similar to the grieving process and I become more convinced daily that the two processes (processi?) are one and the same). Again, thanks for your well-wishes. Melody
Melody, I do not know if this will help but here goes. 30 years ago my two business partners (friends) swindled me out of 3 million dollars. They were quite good and I had no legal recourse. I wanted to kill them for the betrayal. To top that off, as a result of their scheme, I lost all I invested (most of my savings). I could not imagine how my partners whom i knew for in excess of 7 years could do this. My point is that I can relate.
I was in recovery then (and still am) and worked on letting all that go. I eventually did let go. How I let go was to realize the lesson the universe was trying to teach me. That lesson was that I had a very sick albeit codependent relationship with money….along with all the hidden symptoms.
Once I began to work on my relationship with money such that my relationship ceased to be one of co dependence, the resentments faded. That’s what worked for me and I am in no way suggesting that is the lesson the universe has for you.
30 years later I have great abundance in my life. I am surrounded by people who love me and I love them…real friends. Money is not a problem today whether I have any or not. I am not a millionaire but I am financially comfortable today…one day at a time.
My two X partners? I have no idea if they are dead or alive. I have not seen or talked with either of them except to make amends to both for threatening to kill each of them and to say goodbye. In the end I have forgiven both. They were the teachers the universe supplied to me. They were the perfect teachers for me!
Melody, thank you…I really appreciate your encouragement. Once again you voiced what I’m thinking and feeling. It helps to know you’ve gone through the same battle….and come out the other side. Sometimes it feels like I’ll never get through it…it is a long road. I’m really glad to know that in the end it all worked out beautifully for you.
Dear Melody , 40 days to a miracle …. Good Book …. I read it about 7-8 months ago ? You were a teacher in it ….. I think my miracle is kicking in right about now , now
as Fall comes in, with Indian Summer asking to be present if she is wanted .. Yes Indian Summer is wanted !
I am sorry for your loss . It reminds me of about 9-10 years ago 1 day , 1 potato was all I had to my name …. I cooked it up & ate it …. 9-10 years later I am debt free & have some
food on the table , feed 2 adult cats ….
I wish you luck & blessings in getting your life back …. Slowly but surely I hope that you can love the universe & forgive drug addicts , drunks, & crooks , & then
let the order in the universe love you again ….Healing takes time , has taken me a good 20 years and I still have to ” work the programs ” like you used to talk about in several of those books . I like the way you included your own life in several of your books ! I would like to see you write a few more books or a screen play with Woody Allen or something …. take care , Stephen 1Oct.11
Hi all. I’m really not down to one potato yet (knock on wood). I do keep a tight watch on my money and savings — delegating tasks, not responsibility. The alleged embezzler was smart in that it’s alleged that she didn’t take all of anything — she allegedly “skimmed,” which can be tricky to detect. I really do need to stop my whining, and I’ve gotten it (my whining) down to grief about losing a year of my life to paperwork. I’ve lived modestly, saved hard, and invested well. My ex-employee hasn’t been able to destroy that (thank God and knock on wood again). It’s the betrayal I bemoan, and my working so hard first to take care of my dying mom, and then to get ahead so I can begin my next career (writing screenplays). I can tell the difference already. What was driving me crazy before was that the harder I worked, the less I had. Now, it just plain “feels right.” I have my wits about me, my intuition, and I can hear the guidance that we’re robbed of when we’re consistently lied to. Again thanks all, for your support. It’s time for me to stop whining and be grateful I’m me, which I am, and that I have my life path — which I do. All is well. Melody
However, I can relate to being down to one potato — I spent the first fifteen years of my sobriety in abject poverty — but I felt so cared for by the Universe and my HP that ultimately I didn’t notice I didn’t have any money. When I got to that place, I began to make money. I had many long years of paying my dues as a writer, working for about ten cents an hour. Now, I’m paying it again — well I was, but I had to put that on hold to re-construct my business. Someday, oneday, I will be done with this paperwork and the Firefly at the end of the tunnel will be the brilliant sunshine of light that comes when a lesson is tucked neatly under our belts. Melody
Dear Melody , You have really accomplished alot ; so much so that I hope you are feeling like that Chicago song , ” FEELING STRONGER EVERY DAY ! ” You have already written more books than many authors write & publish in a lifetime ! I am currently in a class at North Seattle CC called
“Healing through Writing ” ….I was feeling close to healed already , but I hope this will add confidence to the feeling of healing .. There are 7 of us including the Instructor and our assignment is to write about a vacation we have had ….. I am basically a Poetry Writer , but this may expand my abilities ? I am a fairly consistent Journal Writer from the age of 16 to now ( over 50 ) …
Well anyway , sounds like you are making good progress and I am hoping justice will prevail and you will get your $ back ! You worked hard for that money ! I know because I have read AT LEAST 7 of your books ! Hang in there strong Ma’am , about the time you are thinking of giving up , your prayers will be answered ! In Appreciation of You & Your Writing ,
Mark 10-10-2011
Thanks Mark. You are very sweet. I appreciate your support, and I wish you well in your writing classes. Best, Melody
Melody,
What I admire most about you is your willingness to share the “warts and all” of your life with us and the honest journey of your own pain. That is a great gift. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this on top of everything else. You, my dear, are a survivor, and you literally wrote the books on it. Go figure, Universe. Enough! Give Melody a break, please. I’m rooting for you to find your feet again and not just soldier on, but emerge triumphant, whole, and healed from this incident. I would say, “now THAT would be a book,” except I think it will be a movie, screenplay by MB
Best,
Lisa
Lisa, thanks. Everyone’s prayers and thoughts must be working because I’m genuinly feeling better, I can see the ilght at the end of the tunnel. I’m not done with all the paperwork yet, but I have it organized and I see that the end is nearer than I thought. Thanks for taking the time to write a comment. Best, Melody Beattie
Melody , I am pleased to hear you are feeling better ….Yes you may need to boost your
confidence as you finish your paperwork , sort of ” fake it till you make it ” until you complete the
task ? You must feel like killing that lady crook or making sure she gets locked up for 5 or 10 ? ! I mentioned to my 81 year old mother (39 I mean ) – Sheila , about your situation .
I told her I had read several of your books & thought you were a really good writer … She empathized with me as much as she could follow my story about you . I am sorry about your Mom …
My Mom is a Real Sweet person – a former MSW in the fields of Pregnancy counseling & then open adoption …I am am trying to devote as much time as I can to assist her well being & happiness !
I read from your books several times in groups aimed at Recovery at the VA Mental Health Center Seattle WA …..
I think writing the Screen Plays would be fun for you ? ! Hope lots of good vibes will be a-coming your way !
A long time Reader of your books starting with Co- Dependent No More ! , Mark Stephen Jones 10-4-2011
Thanks, Mark — both for your kind words and for taking the time to comment. I appreciate that, and the warm, caring thoughts. Best, Melody Beattie
Hi Melody,
Hugs to you, as always, you are the best and are a blessing! You’re really a unique individual – there’s nobody quite like you. Honest, caring, sharing, and trusting. You’ve provided me with lots of encouragement when I was at wits end with what to do with my son who flew off the tracks. I’d keep saying, “Why is this happening to me? This can’t be real?” Why was everyone else doing okay except me?
Several action steps that helped when my life with my son was very unmanageable that helped me:
1. When I was low, my Rabbi said prayer would make me strong. (he was right).
2. When things became unmanageable with my son, I’d get on my motorcycle and escape for awhile. Running away from my problems didn’t solve them but helped
3. I’d talk to my AA sponsor – he’d help re-frame the situation & that helped me regroup.
4. I sponsored a guy, and listening to his problems helped make mine smaller.
5. I journaled a lot (nobody needs to give you advice about writing – you’re the best).
6. When my son ran away and was missing for a couple weeks, I bought a neglected motorcycle to restore. The distraction helped me change my focus.
Finally, I asked my rabbi, when our son was locked up in jail,”Why do bad things that hurt us have to happen?” Here’s what he said:
“As human beings, our vision is limited. Tragedies happen. Life throws us curveballs. Why do some people get sick, while others remain healthy? God sees the complete picture. Sometimes tragedies like this happen that make no sense at all. All I can tell you is that one day everything will make sense, but as mere mortals, we don’t see the entire picture.”
In your case, there is a universal law called Karma. You put out good Karma, Melody. The person who not just hurt you but stole what you worked so hard for; her Karma is catching up with her and there will be consequences for that.
Thanks for reaching out to us!
Your friend,
Ken
Thanks for your emails and encouragement. They mean a lot. I’m sorry it took so long, but I was away from my emails for five days, now it’s taking two days to catch up and read all of them and respond. Anyway, thanks again. Best, Melody Beattie
I’d be mad too, MB. The worst part is being betrayed and someone you trusted, helping themself to something that wasn’t theirs. You’ve worked hard and honestly to get where you are.
Dear Melody , Yes keep your Self Respect , you more than earned it ? Walks on
the Beach by yourself or with a friend always helps to clear your mind ……A swim in the Ocean in
a Safe spot would be nice , if you like to swim ! I liked the way you said you saved hard ; I should
do that, but I always give away a dollar here, a dollar there ….
Screen Play title ideas : What Now my Loving Heart ? , What is the American Dream Now ?
……. Anyway , not much is coming …. I think it is okay to whine some on your Readers , probably alot of us ( I feel I do ) want to give back to you ? ! I like the book where you stay at the state Parks and where you Mountain climb the Big ones in Nepal – the Himalayas !! and your days in Minnesota ….. My Grandpa Jones was born in Minn – Saint Paul in 1875 ! So my Mom Sheila from
Oxford Ohio has seen fireflies, You have seen fireflies , I have never seen a firefly ……You are a Very Good Writer and a Good Human Being ….. The last fellow is correct , the crook will get their karma ….. Maybe you can get a big chunk of your $ back from her ? !
Be Strong Melody , I think Blessings are coming to you again !
To 1 of my Favorite Writers – Thanks ! , Mark Jones
Thank you, Mark. Someday there will be time for long walks. Now, my long walk is finishing getting through this tunnel. And yes, I do see the light at the end. Best, Melody Beattie
Thank you Mark. That was very kind and thoughtful. Right now, I wish I had time for long walks — but still have much paperwork that must be done. I am feeling better. The one thing I hope I gave to people by bringing them into my personal/business life is how important it is to let ourselves have our feelings. Feelings aren’t bad or good — they are just emotions that need to be felt so they don’t control us the rest of our lives. So many people are bypassing feelings today, and that’s risky. At any rate, thanks again for writing. The end is truly in sight. Melody
Melody, you are in my thoughts and prayers! I am confident insight and wisdom will be revealed to you. I want to thank you for literally helping me save my own life with your encouragement and words that were just right at just the right time. I “read you” everyday and you have been more of a blessing to me than you could even imagine.
,
May God continue to richly bless you and others through you!
It’s an honor to write on your wall
Amy
so true….I discovered this site today and am so grateful ,Petra
My life has been truly blessed as I discovered your books many moons ago.I truly believe that the road to recovery was being paved for me even back then.Your insight and honesty has shed light on a sometimes dark path .May your day be blessed ,Namaste ,Petra
Melody,
”
I hadn’t returned to your “Grief Club” which I joined 7-8 months ago, and was just, to be embarassingly and brutally honest, not willing (or capable of?) feeling the feeling that were coming up from the beautiful souls that wrote back to me, including you of course.
Now I’m back tonight, because I’m once again, (although now attending AA and Al-Anon, 5-6 x weekly, after 40 years sobriety), more concerned about my 16 y/o grandaughter, who is being bullied (via Facebook, natch, with 2 friends from her high school). And last night I told Collette, just pick a day of the year, hon – and I’m going to read from Melody Beattie’s “The Language of Letting Go”. It was on “Difficult People”. She got it! She got every word of it! She messaged me tonight sounding like a different girl, talking about doing her alphabet gratitude list while riding on the bus to school, knowing her Higher Power is working with her, and marveling as only a teenager can, about the marvels of ‘just taking today, just today Gram…and it worked”.
And now I’m reading non-stop your posts on your blog since early October, and I’m back in touch with my needs to relate to you as a woman in recovery that is facing the ups and downs…Major Downs, and taking it all as part of the “long walk” you’re almost finished walking.
And I read somewhere earlier on Grief Club about your “Saving Hard”. That was me….a substance about therapist for 26 years, finally COMPLETELY retired 4 months ago at 68, and still so much more in my comfort zone, “saving” —- whether its my two grandsons 20 and 24 and their daily alcohol/marijuana abuse, or now Collette, and her discovery of some really wonderful things…..and I’m OK with sharing that.
But reading what I am as I read each message you are posting tonight – is actually the serendipity of this Divine Path —- thinking I’m here for one thing, and it’s really to read what you’re going through, acknowledge how much you’ve meant to me for almost 20 years, and tell you that your soul, your spirit was led to me tonight.
I was going to look on all of your sites, then to Hazelden’s, to see if you’d written any books for teenage girls (her single mom, 40, my youngest daughter, a marijuana addict….day to night, with of course the Medical Card….such a farce for so many). But Collette wrote me back tonight, and I could tell she was relating to my December 5, Language of Letting Go reading, to much more than the two girls who are bullying her on Facebook. She wrote that she loved what you wrote, and it didn’t matter that it was written for adults.
She said in part:
I’m just going to try to subside from all the drama that’s going on, and all of that. Hopefully it works, because I know all these girls are nothing but unstable trash (actually although her blaming words, not a bad way for her to see the truth, I think, of her need to stop trying to get their approval). She said: “It’s just frustrating, Gram when they say the things they do, and it hurts so much. Mom is trying to help a lot, but she’s more angry than understanding – the things you read me really made sense! I loved that message from Melody Beattie, I think it’ll help me, to wake up and feel positive. That’s all I want, to just say to myself that today’s going to be a good day, and as said, handle it just one day at a time, like your sponsor said – “Marty, can you handle it til bedtime?” (back 100 years ago). “I’m going to do that tomorrow, and hand over the situation to a higher power, (“wow, Melody – Collette’s never even used those words!”), ‘and because I don’t have control over the situation right now. I love you, and if you’re home from your meeting, I’ll call you later tonight. To Eternity, Love, Collette Frances Jett
Sorry for going on so long, Melody. If this doesn’t have to be published on your blog, since it’s irrelevant to a great extent to the struggle you’re going through as well, that’s fine. If not, thaOK, too. But I thank God with everything in me that I was led back to your sites tonight.
You are an old, beatiful wise soul. I even listened to part of your talk a few minutes ago.
Lovingly in Sobriety,
Marty Lentz
LD – 7/20/72
PS DID you write any books for teenage girls?? If not, I’m going to order “The Language of Letting Go” for her. She’s an A- student, doesn’t drink or smoke (well, I’d like to believe that), but maybe the disease is skipping her generation. So I think L of Letting Go is certainly not above her head. Her mom was in 12 step treatment for six months when she was sixteen, and at 40, she’s still using. So I suspect Collette was relating as much to dealing with her lack of control over her mom’s progressed cannabis addiction and the moods, as her being bullied; the words I copied completely, and verbatim tonight, rather than skip over them reading the 12/5 reading last night. BTW, my copy of it has probably been in my possession since the year it was published…talk about dog-eared and marked up. I’m even missing the pages up to page 9….so I can’t tell what year I have. But I know I started the CoDependents Anonymous Group at the Unity Church here in Kalamazoo, utilizing the text. It unfortunately ended about 6-7 years later. Sure wish they had a Coda For Grandparents 12-Step Group – but Al-Anon fills the bill when I’m thinking about myself and my controlling and self-pity, not my grandsons. And I’m not getting a new copy!! lol. This is my treasure, this text, just like my first Big Book.
I love you, Melody — thank you for showing up in our lives, all of us.! Wishing you continuing unravelling of the lessons you’ve discovering from this horrendous fiscal experience of betrayal you’re walking through.
Marty L
Mfiona123@aol.com
Mfiona123@
Melody,
Plod, Plod, Plod. The Big Book talks about trudging, I think they are the same. I am very sorry to hear you were victimized.
I read the post about your loss and had a flashback; this one was not drug induced.
I was flunking out of the university I was attending, primarily due to untreated depression and being an untreated alcoholic, drug addict, trauma survivor.
My self confidence hit an all time low, I withdrew from college just late enough so there was no refund on tuition. The solution to my dilemma, so I thought, was to sell all my worldly goods and attend a survival school! Brilliant! From pain to pain. Intuitively I knew I needed a success and this seemed the way to get it.
Most of my thirty days at Outward Bound were spent carrying a fifty pound pack up the sides of mountains. I got so sick of climbing mountains, I just wanted it to stop. I was told to accept the challenge.
In my search for a solution to what seemed like non stop climbing I came up with a technique for finding the top of the mountain, also known as looking for hope.
I looked for the light through the trees. The Outward Bound school I was attending was located in the Appalachians. The mountains were heavily forested and covered in underbrush. If I could see light at the top of the mountain I knew I was getting close to the top; and the top was where I wanted to be so I could put my pack down.
The Big Book talks about, “Trudging the path of happy destiny” in the chapter called “A Vision For You”. When I have friends facing challenges that is what I reflect on; trudging the path, one foot in front of the other.
I am praying for God to provide what you need and believe he or she will.
Thanks for sharing your gift with others.
Warmest Regards,
Dean D.