Melody’s Autobiography
Melody’s Latest Release
Something that Helps You Feel Better Feelin’ Bad
Tracks to Feel Better About Feeling Bad: Calling All Angels by The Celtic Angels, I Won’t Let Go by Rascal Flatts, I’ll Be There by The Escape Club, To Love Somebody by The Bee Gees, Life is Eternal by Carly Simon, You Can’t Always Get What You Want by the Pop Lullaby Ensemble, Letting Go by Joe Cocker, Angel by Sarah McLachlan, Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers, Calling All Angels by k. d. lang, Circle of Life by Elton John
My Rhapsody Playlist for times when I need help feeling good about feeling bad. Enjoy … or something. Click here to listen to the songs
Melody Beattie
Thanks, Melody
I play along with my guitar and/or listen to the blues to feel better when I’m down – one of my favorite blues musicians, the late Freddie King. Here’s a song I love called Dust My Broom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWJQIvtrRIo
Love the blues, too. Thanks for the link. I don’t think the links to Rhapsody I posted are working, are they? I need to take them down (along with all the song names). Can’t figure out how to get them working, but people are supposed to get 24 free listens every month. Maybe I’ll just leave it up until I have time to sort it out.
Dear Melody , 10-25-2011
Your songs are fine ! Like when groovy went to cool ! I really like the
Righteous Brothers , they seem so SURE & Pure about their emotions & so capable of singing their
emotions ! I have that gift but it has been dormant for about 6 months now …. But I do PLAY the Guitar , just don’t SING as much ! And I write , got like a Poetry magazine or small book printed up
via Fed-ex and I wish you could see it ? ! Wow , your name is all about Music …. So I am keeping the Melody , just not Singing as much !
Melody , one of my best lifetime friends works for Barry Manilow ; kind of like Barrys’ right hand Man ; Marc helps Barry make albums & helps him set up in Concert tours ! I like
Manilow okay , but like Barry of the BeeGees the best ! I noticed you picked 1 of their songs ! Get the CD ONE NIGHT ONLY and you get about 30 songs of theirs !! Too bad one of the twins passed on & Andy Gibb passed years ago ( Marc worked with Andy years ago too ! ) … I was wondering if you play music while you write ? I do , but I do better, writing I think , with music without words , classical or just a Melody of some kind, without words ….
So when did you start blogging and what are you working on now ? Someday I am going to round up all of my books of yours and list em for you & for me …. I have been in my Condo for 17 years so books find different shelves ? I have read 7 or so of your books , the first being , the 1 you are famous for : CoDependent No More and I read Beyond CoDependency, and 5 more ! ………
So Peace – Have relaxing Holidays ……. Some songs I like : Bob Dylan : Don’t think Twice It’s AllRight , CSNY : Teach Your Children Well & CARRY On , Chicago : Beginnings ,
Joan Baez – alot of her songs , some Eagles tunes like TAKE IT EASY …. Let it Be the Beatles,
oooooo……….lots of songs of the 60′s & 70′s …..Vivaldi 4 Seasons , Mozart ain’t bad either !
Best Blessings to You Ma’am ! ,
with Admiration of your Writing Skill , best since Gail Sheehy sp ? sorry
Gail …
of American Women Writers after 1978 to Present ,That is Great Melody
!!!!
Mark S. Jones Poet/Singer Seattle WA 10-25-2011
Thanks Mark. You sure do get excited talking about music — must be a love of yours. I studied classical music (piano and organ) for 13 years, but I play just for me. I like to get a CD that reminds me of background music for whatever I’m working on — something that says in music what I want to say using words. As to what I’m up to, I’m still working on the business reorganization from the alleged embezzlement mess — trying to get all the documentation to my new CPA and financial manager without any paperwork is tough, grinding, long, hard work — plus I put so much security on everything I need to do it all myself. Talk to you soon. My friend, Chip (who put together the websites for me and is now talking his photo workshops live) is a total Barry Manilow fan. Me? I like the Rolling Stones, an old rock ‘n roller from the sixties. Best, Melody
Dear Melody ,
Please , I have to Pray for you ….. Dear Jesus , Melody Beattie is a Great American and World renowned writer . She is also a very kind and loving person ! Please help her with her finances , help the people who are working to find who stole her money and please lord return the money to her IN Full and for her Time lost !! Melody has helped Millions of People get healed Lord and it is not right what someone has done to her . Lord please be her Insurance ….. ! Give her the Blessing she needs , that will give her the strength to come back even stronger ….Thankyou for
hearing my prayer !
So there you go , my best prayer for you ?
I like the Stones too ! Peace …..Good luck , Mark 1 Nov. ……
2011
Thank you, Mark. That was one of the sweetest things anyone has done for me. May all your care, love and concern come back at you and land in your lap. You are a loving and caring human being — and it’s a blessing to meet someone like you in this world. Melody
Thank You , that is very kind of you , brought tears to my eyes so I know I can still cry !!
You made my last few days & tomorrow !!
I care about You !
Mark S. Jones 10-31- 2011
Hi Melody!
I just wanted to thank you for all your books. I had never heard the word codependency until last week. Then I heard it again and was compelled to go check out a book from the library to find out a lil’ more about it. Well, I read a few of your books, and let’s just say it rocked my emotional world! All the sudden I had a word to describe me and many of my experiences. This information has TRULY touched me and I just keep reading the meditations in The Language of Letting Go. I just want it to flow into my mind and heart and stick there! Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you. I have a lot of feelings to face up to, and it’s probably going to be an “awkward and ugly” process, but I think learning and being willing to do this is going to change my life. I am so scared, but so excited to find out who I am, what I like, and what I want out of my life for a change. I can’t wait to find my OWN voice. Thank you for being brave and making the most out of your life experiences. It’s giving me courage to do the same.
Heidi
Hi Heidi — and thanks for taking time to post a comment. Congratulations (is that the right word?) for taking a risk and looking into the emotional/behavioral world of your life. It takes courage, and usually happens when the time is right. I heard something many, many years ago when I embarked on what was to become a life-long journey: If you’re afraid, it means you’re doing something different and new. If you’re not afraid, it’s because you’re still doing the same ol’, same ol’ thing. So congrats on trying something new. (Yes, you will reach the place where saying no, saying what you really think, setting boundaries, and learning to love and give in a healthy way is truly fun.) Well, at least most of the time, anyway. Best, Melody Beattie
Hi Heidi. I re-read your post this morning, and am really touched by your excitement — by who you are, and the pure joy and exhileratin of what we call “beginner’s mind.” Again, thanks for taking the time to comment, and please let us know how you’re doing. Life can be … clever … in how it brings us our lessons. Best, Melody beattie
What a delight to see “I’ll Be There” by the Escape Club on your list! A hauntingly beautiful song from the early 90s that didn’t get near the recognition it should have. I still have the “cassingle” if you can remember those. Two artists who might be of interest to you: Kathy Mattea and Mary Chapin Carpenter. These are the artists I listen to whenever I need to get in touch with my reality, whatever it may be at that moment. Their voices are beautiful and the lyrics they sing touch the deepest parts of my soul.
Hi. Sorry I didn’t post your songs, but I’m still working on all that dang paperwork and trying to get a blog written now and again in a spare moment. I am close to being back but as we all have heard, close only counts in horseshoes — not on websites. Best, Melody Beattie
Dear Melody , 11-8-2011
Just a short note to let you know I care & ask god – jesus again to help you
get your $ and your balance back from your recent set back …. Lord please give Melody what she
needs ! I sort of feel like a salmon who has been swimming in the ocean & then upstream & I took a detour into a nice beautiful , clean, lake …. Lots of freedom , but not too many fellow salmon ……. I will swim in the lake a bit more, then I will find the stream again and go up and
spawn , then live again as a baby salmon —————>>> wish you well …….
Mark Jones ……. I also like Mary Chapin Carpenter
Thanks Mark. As always, I enjoy your posts and feel like I’ve grown to know you over the past months. Not sure what you’re going through right now, but I will hold you in my heart and prayers too. Melody Beattie
Thanks Mark. I enjoy your posts and feel like I’ve grown to know you over the past few months. Not sure what you’re going, but I wish you the best — and Godspeed in getting to the other side of whatever you’re working/going through. Melody Beattie
Hi Melody , Got the Carol King Album going – Tapestry ….. did you catch much of her concerts with James Taylor on public television ? I know you said you like the Stones ; I like HAPPY – I need a Love to Keep me Happy ! ….. I think I was getting the Pre-Holiday Blues , but I have learned that we have to work for our own Happiness ……and it is “okay” if you’re not Happy for awhile …… For me Melody it seems like 7 or 8 years is all I last with anyone ( except my Parents-my
Dad is in Heaven) ; that is last in a 3-4 day a week real check in way ! My cats , Ernie & Mona are heading to 8 + years with me ….Just dropped off with a friend Josh – about 7+ years – , maybe I felt my mission of tutoring him was over ? ( he is 18 years younger ) ….. Hey a friend is a friend , we had some highs and we had some lows ….. Thank God Melody that you have a Huge Heart full of Love and I will wind down now so as not to hog the blog (poem ! ) …I have enjoyed very much how sweet and down home you are ; so I will try to be somewhat short and sweet ! I am praying for more Happiness a – coming your way today !
Cheers – without alcohol ! Mark Jones Seattle
11-14-2011
Dear Melody , Well Your Heart- Felt Prayer Helped alot ; Joshua did hate me , but he did do 6 days in the Veterans Hospital from a breakdown after hardly sleeping at all for a month ! We are friends again ! Maybe taking the words of Jesus too literally ? – ” Watch ! Stay Awake ! ” When you are really sick it may be hard to like anyone ? ! But like Saint Francis Said , ” Where there is hate , let me sow Love ! ” Otherwise Melody , Everything is Beautiful in my Life ; how about You ? !
Have a Beautiful Holiday with Love at your table !,
Mark 11-19-2011
Dear Melody, I read your meditations online every morning. This morning I was feeling completely blue. I attended a twelve step meeting at 11:30am – later burst into tears in my parked car. I made a call to a program friend and suddenly had an intuitive flash. I had received some long-awaited good news very early this morning. So I was feeling bad by recounting what a bad person I was! It is remarkable how my mind is hardwired to annihilate by focusing on the negative – esp. when there is good news or a little joy at life being normal. Thank you and God bless you. You have saved my life. Tina
Hey Melody, my name is Bryan Heater and I am a journalism student at the University of Memphis. I am writing a feature story on codependency and would love to get your expert opinion on the subject. I understand you are a very busy woman but it would take a very small amount of time out of your day and my professor would be impressed to see an expert opinion like your own. Most experts just turn me down because I am a student but you seem like a down to earth person who likes helping others so I wanted to ask you. My number is 9016052654. If you cannot call me you can send me your thoughts on codependency in the nursing field and other medical professions via email.
Thank you so much,
Bryan Heater
Hi Melony, I read The Language of Letting Go every day and this is my third year reading it every day. I have also given your book to friends and sponsees. It is healing me like no other. I have also just
gotten Language of Letting Go II.
I am a recovering alcoholic 67 years old with 8 1/2 years sobriety. It took me 24 years in/out/around/on the edge of AA to finally get here with 8 1/2 good years of sobriety.
The song that touches me the most is: God Bless The Broken Road by Rascal Flatts and it brings me tears of pain and Joy when I play it each time. It is my heart song.
Thank you for ALL you do.
Janice
Dear Melody,
a friend gave me your book, The language of letting go…i cannot put it down. Let me say before i start, you are an amazing women and you have helped so many people you should be so proud of yourself! I am so so sorry to hear about what happened with losing some of your hard earned money, and not only that but losing trust, not knowing who to trust. That would be so hard, i am so sorry.
and moved in with my parents until we could find a apartment to live in closer to work. I also got a new job working with my best friend back in August. So here we live with my parents in there basement, my mom is a alcoholic well working on not being one but is such a codependent, she has depression but refuses to get help… my sister recently divorced lives here as well with her two kids, we end up watching her kids most of the time.
Reading this book at this time in my life i kept thinking, “if only i could just write her a letter and ask for some advice” then i looked you up and saw how much you care about your fans you try to reply to all of them! I added you on Facebook! I will try to keep this short i know you are busy, but i really need some outside advice….
i have been suffering from major depression sense 2nd grade, i got better finally when i was about 16. I got married when i was 18 to my best friend, we have been best friends sense grade school. About two years into our marriage my husband starting drinking and abusing drugs, went through one job to the next. I supported him and stayed with him even though everyone told me to leave him. Him and my cousin who i was closest to would abuse Xanax, Valium, you name it..they both ended up in the hospital. My husband was diagnosed with bi polar and so was my cousin, my cousins wife who was my best friend left him and in Oct. 4th 09 he hung himself in my aunt and uncles garage. It was hard to say the least. My husband has turned his life around, he got a really good job and is really happy, we got a house and i got a job that i loved we even got a dog a little basset hound.
My husband decided we needed to move closer to work, so we sold our house put my dog up for adoption
About a month ago i was at work i was fine, i really liked this new job and as i was assisting the Dr. i had a panic attack ( i have never had on before) i started shaking so bad my head was shaking, i kept thinking he is going to look at me…he did and i blamed it on coffee…i didn’t understand what was happening, ever sense i haven’t been the same..i went to work the next week had a panic attack again and my husband had to come get me..so i missed a week of work because i was so depressed and scared. The week i was going to come back the night before i got everything ready and told myself i will be okay, i broke out in hives all over. I went to work the next day anyways thinking they wouldn’t believe me, they sent me to the hospital they we that bad, so all week last week i had hives so bad i could barely sleep or eat. I have never had hives before, i have never had anxiety before, my anxiety is horrible i am so depressed and anxious i cant sleep,when i do sleep all i have is nightmares about my job, my cousin, my dog you name it.. everything has changed and i feel like i am going crazy.
I talked to my husband about work and realized why i am so nervous there, this Dr. goes through assistants all the time, he doesn’t have a good reputation and he sexually harasses my best friend and tries to pretend like its a joke, he even said to me when i came back to work ” are you feeling better? You shouldn’t have been making out with me last night and been all over me and you wouldn’t have gotten sick” he makes me nervous, and my husband doesn’t want me going back. The problem is…i feel like i am being to sensitive and like i should be able to control my anxiety, i do like this job, i should be thankful i have a job! And if i stay home and don’t work my husband will make barely enough to support us and i will be depressed that i am at home (my parents house) with not much to do…then who knows if il find another job, or in that case one that i even like! I have an appointment to see a therapist on Thursday, everyone is telling me to quit and take this time to work on myself. I don’t know what to do, i feel like every decision we have make this far has been a mistake, im so anxious and depressed its unreal and i wish i was normal so i could go back to work. So where i am going with this is, what do you think i should do? Should i try and ignore my anxiety and go back to work? Or should i quit and try to find another job? I am really trying to work on my self loving my self or for that matter even liking myself..i am just at a loss..i feel like my friend can ignore it why cant i? I am so sorry for rambling and if i sound like i am complaining, you are just so smart i really look up to you and wish i could someday be like you.
Thank you for being you.
Melody,
I just wondered if it would be possible for you to sell some of your daily affirmations to companies that manufacture disposable coffee cups? This morning I was drinking my coffee from McDonald’s, and I thought, how nice it would be if I looked at my cup and there was something you have written printed on it!!! What a nice morning it would be!
Anyway, just a thought!
Katy McHenry
Melody, I don’t know what to say. Saturday night was the peak of insecurity. Scratch the details…I turned into a monster on my wife and “old friend”. The next day, I was perplexed at what happened. All the years of anger and pain and non existent rejection exploded. I am not the kind of guy to do something like this, but that night I was unrecognizable.
I owned it, and start researching jealousy, which led me to co-dependency. But I never really had alcohol or abuse in my relationships, none that I cared about anyway. So I looked on. I researched fidelity/ infidelity books, which led me to co-dependency. So I looked on, because that is not me, right?
Than I saw a book on ‘Relationship Rescue’. Good book (Cloud and Townsend), but it also led me to co-dependency.
Fast forward to Monday. In severe pain about how I basically chased my wife into my ‘old friends’ arms (emotionally, not violently), I left work and went home to sleep. It was the only way to turn my gut wrenching, heart bleeding, overactive mind off. When I woke up, I called my wife to tell her that I would be home late (she knew I was in pain and left work etc). I sat on the hard floor in Barnes and Noble for 4 hours (yeah, I was sore) burying my soul into a book that required me to hide the cover from passing shoppers. I would soon learn that hiding the book was an attempt to control my environment. I would also learn how much of a codependent I am, and have been since my early childhood. And now on Tuesday night I am halfway through it, saying, “Oh my God” several times for each page.
Anyways, here is another newborn recovering co-dependent standing at the edge what seems like death, loosening my grip on this illusion one finger at a time, and trying to remember to breathe on the way to going through hell to get to heaven.
I am reluctant to say thank you just yet, but I am sure you won’t take it personal
(thanks)
Adam
For Melody
I am glad I like myself or life would be a drag ,
I trust in the lord to help me seek the right dream ,
I am not as happy as I might seem ,
Cats and kids seem to like me and that is no lie ,
Too much time alone and I broke down to cry !
Oh I’m reeling , and I am feeling that , you are a kind GodMother ,
Your kindness takes the pain away …….. Blessings to you Melody …… from Mark 12-12-11
Hi all. As I read the posts above, I don’t see my answers — some of them long — to all the posts. (And I don’t know where they went — I’ll have to look around. They may not have gotten approved as I need to approve my one posts too.) At any rate, if you didn’t get a response to your post, it’s not because it wasn’t written — it was. I’ll look around in the next few days, and see if I can find where they went. Mark, thanks for your sweet and kind words. Ashley, I wrote a long, long response to you. Adam, Katy, Janice and Bryan, I responded to you too. Only I did it from the “back room” — so I’m wondering if that’s where the posts are — maybe they got stuck in a file back there. Would you do me a favor and let me know if you received a response anywhere? Thanks. Also please understand that despite the “Joy of the Seaason” that we’re expected to have, some of us might be feeling blue. Since my son’s death, I try to have Christmas every other day of the year besides the actual holiday — I do the same with Thanksgiving too. It’s the feeling in our hearts, the intention that matters. And you’re right Mark, we don’t have to — and can’t expect ourselves to — feel happy all the time. Everything changes, and moves in cycles. We have our up times and our down times, and usually a down time is the cycle following a truly “up” time. It’s all quite normal. More later — and yes, I’m stil working at getting this financial report done. Best — and know I haven’t forgotten about any of you. Melody Beattie (p.s. — I don’t like the idea of having “fans” — I have reaaders and friends I haven’t actually met yet, except through the printed word.) /mb
Dear Melody , You are amazing , Real , Kind , and Just Plain Down
Down to Earth !!.. You are a Great-Task Master , you Care and it Shows
and Feels Good ….
I got 5 more copies of my 2nd book – A Beautiful Journey – Autumn
Poems ….. Now I am working on #3 Book : TIME …..
I am off to bed ….. Peace and Wisdom be with You ,
Mark
Dear Melody , I read 3 of my Poems between a long set of Christmas Carols at the VA Medical Center today ! A man up front kept requesting I read more …. That felt good …
I felt ” in the Spirit ” today and the Sun came out !
Peace on Earth , Mark
It’s good that you can enjoy the moments when they come — not expecting more, or waiting for the other shoe to drop — because it always will. Everything moves in cycles — highs to lows, etc. When we can learn, as you are, to be in each moment, let it be what it is, and enjoy and appreciate the ones that feel good, we’re walking with the angels. Best, Melody
Hey Melody!
I wrote to you a month or so ago (Nov. 1st). I’m a newbie to all of this. I have been attending a coda group. I’ve felt pretty overwhelmed with where to start and anxious to “fix” myself, but I think I am starting to come back to reality and starting to be okay with where I’m at, which is at the very beginning. Again, thank you for sharing your experiences in your books, and all your words of wisdom. I have a feeling I will be referring to them for many years to come. They have helped me. I hope to discover a gift that I can share with others someday too.
Hope your heart and your spirit find whatever it needs this holiday season.
I’ll pray for that for you and for me.
Heidi
Hi, Heidi. I found an email from you today, and I wanted to make sure that I had touched base with you at least once. I just headed out to the desert and got somewhat settled in. I’ve got more financial “stuff” to do in this whole ugly deal I went through — and then I’ll quit spinning in circles and hopefully stop feeling so overwhelmed. More than anything, I wanted you to know that I wasn’t ignoring you and that you’re on my mind and in my heart. Best, Melody
Hi,
I have read a number of your books and I have been in and out of the rooms since 2006. I got into AA after my brother was killed in a drunk driving accident. I always knew I was alcoholic. After a couple of years of sobriety and raising two young children, I learned my spouse was having affairs throughout our marriage. We divorced. I met someone else. To make a long story short…I went out. But that isn’t all. I relinquished custody of my young children to their father and he moved them out of state. I now live driving distance from my children and see them monthly. I am in and out of the program. I have a good job and have started to rebuild my life, but I feel tormented by not being near my children. I feel like they are why I was put here but the reality is, I can’t get them back. My mother disowned me for relinquishing custody. I didn’t make that choice because I wanted to go out and party either. I just felt that their father was a safer place for them. He had retired parents helping him in every way imaginable, getting the kids from school, cooking for them, taking them to doctor’s appts (he still has these resources, and his parents facilitate my relationship with my children, allowing me to talk to them after school most days). When I made the choice to give up custody it was because I thought I was unstable, unfit. But not because I don’t love my children. I love them and think of them all day, every day. I sink frequently into depression over my mother’s rejection of me (which really predates my choice to give up custody) and also over her orchestrating my being totally ostracized by her family. I often feel damned. I worry about my soul. I worry that I will be left to die all alone, no children, no family to come home to. I married the man I met after my divorce, but he is also rejected by my mother and her family.
I don’t know why I tell you this. I suppose I wonder if you can relate. I consider you such a wonderful person who has helped so many people. Do you think people like myself deserve the harsh judgment we receive?
Thanks,
Rachel
Hi Rachel. Thank you for reaching out and posting here. I don’t talk about this much, or often. Many people think I only have three children — my daughter Nichole, and my son, Shane, who died. But I have a third – John. I gave birth to him when I was an addict. Then I went to treatment and got sober. I called up his father (John’s dad). He and John lived with John’s grandparents, in a beautiful home — in the good part of town. They had given my son a good life. I asked if I could have him now. They said “No.” Absolutely not. My mom wanted me to fight for custody of him. I wouldn’t and couldn’t do it. Maybe part of it was not feeling worthy. Another part of me knew I’d have to live with my mother to raise him; I couldn’t do it by myself. I felt that doing that would be much worse for my first child than losing me. I felt so guilty I almost married this man again — but I realized that if I did, I’d end up divorcing him again. I was wracked with horrendous guilt for years. Women didn’t give up custody of their children then, especially not after they got sober. I knew when I was pregnant with John I was an addict and I wasn’t capable of being a mother. I knew all that I could give him was the gift of life. It was so hard, and it took so many years to go through. I’d see John and his dad ride by, together, on a bike, little John on the back. Guild would flood through me like a dark wave of self-hate. I thought I was the worst person and the worst mother in the world, and like God could never and would never forgive me for what I did. I felt like nobody understood. I didn’t even understand myself — all I knew was that i did what I thought was the best thing at the time. Later I got married, had two children. Then at age 12, my son Shane died. Family keeps slipping through my hands.
But back to you. Yes, I can relate. There are differences, a few small ones, in our story. My mother was so incredibly furious with me for not fighting for custody of my son. I couldn’t. He’d been through enough. I felt the decision I made was the best for him, the same way you felt the decision you made was best for your children. Sometimes I get a picture in my mind. I’m not a Bible thumper, but it’s a picture of the two women who fought over a child and went to the King. The King said, “We’ll settle this by cutting the child in half, and giving each of you a piece.” The real mother said, “No. Give himi to her.” She was the one who loved him enough to give him up; she had her child’s best interests at heart. She realized it was about more than her and what she wanted, and what other people thought. That story comforts me sometimes. Other times I used to feel giult. It’s been many many years now. That child is 42 years old. We each have a path, a journey to take this lifetime. So often we think (at least I’ve thought this way), that I’m the worst person in the world, and done horrible things that nobody else has done. The truth is that I think God forgave me a long time ago. The hardest part was forgiving, loving, and accepting myself. I know this: it doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s worth working at and for. It’s easy for me to forgive you, to not judge you. It’s hard for me to treat myself the same way. Maybe that’s just how we are, as human beings. In recovery, they teach that everything that happens to us can be used to help others, used for good — every single thing — and that we will come to not regret the past. It’s one of the promises we get if we actively work what they call “The Steps.” These Promises? They really do come true. Thank you so much for writing — like I said, this is a story I rarely share, but I hope it helped a little. My best, Melody Beattie
PS — I will never forget — I still see it in my mind’s eye and it happened in 1973 — I walked to a mailbox, open the top, and dropped in the envelope with the papers I signed giving up custody. mb
Thanks for all you do, Melody!
Dear Melody , Wow ! what a story by you 2 women …. God Bless you and may you get your full healings ASAP ….
Melody, my computer was down for about 2 & 1/2 weeks cuz I moved it from my study to the living room so I could WRITE in the study & have the computer to use, hopefully more than the tv ! My wires got crossed and it took awhile with a DELL tech to get back on line …
I am really pretty happy these days , but I realize it takes WORK to stay that way ! Oh I did find your small book : Gratitudes , and it has been refreshing reading that again .. Adopting an attitude of gratitude does help me to stay positive & grateful and to better cope ! Nice to check in with you after being computerless for awhile ! More later …..
Peace be with you & us all …… Thanks for being You , that is someone Very Special !
your friend , Mark Jones
Have a happy and blessed New Year, Mark — and please do stay in touch via the site. I’m glad you’re back online; I wondered what had happened to you. Best, Melody
Dear Melody , Thanks , Glad to be back ….As Kahil Gibran THE PROPHET said : ” Seek your Friend with hours to LIVE , not with hours to kill . ” Quality more important than quantity ….. Imagination is everything …. Alot of “stuff ” that is unpleasant or too hard , we can ask God to work on for us .! Like a good Father & a Friend he will help us … It is good because often I have no place else to turn …But then I can smile knowing god is with me !
Well, I wish you well Melody as you start and we start a new, fresh circle , of wonder , And creativity ,
music ( listened to some recent Stevie Nix today! ) and Dance & Song ,…. it is a blessing , it is beautiful , yes we have hard days , but my feeling is we CAN rise above it All …….. Nice to check in , until next time , ………………………—————————————–>> Peace , Mark
DEAR MELODY , I WONDER HOW LONG IT TOOK YOU TO FIGURE OUT THAT WRITING WAS ONE OF THE
best things you are capable of doing ? ! Or one of the BEST things you KNOW how to do and CAN do ? ! It seems like CO– DEPENDENT NO MORE must have giving you a good idea ? ! I remember I was on a FERRY ride to San Juan Island to a NW Ferry ….. On the Ferry I had several books including Co-Dependent No More & I think BEYOND CODEPENDENCY as well and I kind of gave a book report to 3 ladies who rode the Ferry with us …. These were , mature,
sophisticated women …. Their feedback was in one ladies question was : You must like Women eh ? And I meant to say & did say , ” by God I do like Women ! ” That was somewhere around 1994 and we ( 3 other Staff friends & I from the YMCA of Downtown Seattle ) also went on a ORCA Killer Whale Tour that was ENLIGHTENING too ! So when I get BLUE Melody , and can think of your books and those ladies on the FERRY to San Juan Island to the JAZZ Festival about 6 years before the turn of the Century – 2000 , the Y2K scare , the Year of our Lord , Our Higher Power, the Creator , when Melodys Book was # 1 on the New York Times Best Sellers list !!!
Finis ………————->>> Peace so love can survive & thrive
again ! Mark 1-8-2012
I remember as a kid — as young as 6 — I wanted to be a writer. For a short time, my mother and step-father-of-the-year enjoyed the stories I wrote — until I wrote one about the true nature of our family life. My mom freaked. I stopped writing (for the most part) — although I was the youngest writer on the newspaper of the private academy where I went to high school. Then came drugs — and getting high was my only dream. After I got sober (six years later), I was pregnant with Shane — my son who died at age 12 — and painting the house as part of my nesting instinct when I remembered my childhood dream. I didn’t know where to go with it, so I looked up at the ceiling and said, “God, if you want me to do anything with this dream, you’re going to have to do it because I don’t have a clue where to begin.” Within 24 hours I had my first job — paying — writing articles for a community newspaper. Five dollars a story. then I went to work for a daily newspaper. Then my first book (it sold only 950 copies). Then my second book, Codependent No More. Now, I’ve written hundreds of articles and 18 books and I love writing as much as I did the night I slept clutching my first byline in that first newspaper. Now, I’m making the shift to screenplay writing, something that’s been on my goal list since I began writing.
Thanks for always being supportive. I remember when I began writing Language of Letting Go I felt anxious, as I always do when I begin a new project. I said aloud, to nobody in particular, “Why am I even doing this.” My son, Shane heard me — it was about six months before his death. He walked over to me, patted me on the head, and said, “Because that’s what you do best.”
I began writing when I was pregnant with him. He was my muse. It’s been hard for me since his death, because in Life, there’s nothing quite like having someone who totally believes in you.
Melody
Dear Melody , I am so sorry about Shane , but yes he believed in you and “knew” you like no other !
He knew you were “called ” to be a Writer ….. Smart Boy …. I remember him some from your past writings !
I lost a life to – a fetus in the womb & after I faced that reality in therapy , it saddened me very much & I had
to grieve it over again . The mother says the life is in heaven …..
I think tenderness & gentleness is beautiful so we can feel what we feel ……Why don’t we let the Creator and Mother Mary & Our Parents Spiritually hold us tonight and tell us , ” it is gonna be all right – our Love is
all you need now ……….. goodnight …….. and may faith cometh in the morning ….. Mark 1-27-2012
Hi Melody,
I wanted to post a poem my daughter wrote while she was in high school. She never admitted to this but I believe this poem is about her father, an alcoholic still to this day. I hope you enjoy it.
They Call Sin
Here is a story of a miracle man, he slid off a mountain and held on with one hand He was heading for snow, but it never came.
He believes there is someone who should take the blame. His feet were planted in the board’s shoes. His eyes were thinking he’d never lose. His life was already drowning in bland, His \paper cup heaven\ was in his hand. He cannot get past it without it hurting his find. He cannot fight back without losing his mind.
He has found his heart and it’s taking him up. He has lost his soul inside that paper cup.
He can’t hold on to the rocks and keep grip to his board, \What more can I do?\ he asks the Lord.
God answers in riddles that the man’s mind can’t solve. God tells him the people his pain will involve.
He decides to let go of the board not the rocks. Leaving him hanging and tied with locks.
He fiddles in his pockets knowing nothing is there. He lets go with ease and without any care.
He hits his bottom and realizes it wasn’t that far down. Now he’s lying there and on his face is a frown. He didn’t believe in Him like he believes in you. Now that idiot’s son is crying in his pew.
I don’t know how to tell him and I can’t think of what to say. I’ll just shake his hand slowly walk away.
On with my life and off with the sin. In with the friends and out with the gin. That boy he prays loud and proud tonight.
He hopes God will help, help him to fight.
He lets go of his worries because I said he can. Gave him something to believe in and gave him a plan.
His tears changed my heart and my words changed his pride.
I told you I just shook his hand, but the truth is I lied. One mind can change others even words can change time.
You have to put God first and stay away from the crime they call sin.
Kimberlee Marie Farris 2008
Hi Mark. There are some losses we never get over, and losing a child (no matter the age — from conception to 114), I believe it will always hurt — but it won’t necessarily be the overwhelming pain that many of us go through the first years. It’s a natural response to losing someone we love that deeply. Just in the past two weeks, the AMA including Mayo Clinics recognized “Broken Heart Syndrome” as being a true mediccal condition brought on by the loss of someone we deeply love. mb
Dear Melody , Yes you are right ….. My Dad passed on in 2007 , 1 month after his 80th birthday . Dad was hurt by the loss of my little fetus almost more than I was … So it is like a sore that never quite heals said a friend of mine ….
We do have a survival drive too …. Emerson buried 2 wives and some children and yet married again & had more children ….Life is hard & I am sensitive , we feel, we pray , we repent , we draw the strength to heal our Hearts & Press on ….
On Life my mom said :” I never promised you a rose garden”from the film : RoseMarys Baby ….” When we are weak, then we are strong ” out of King James bible ……… the weaker we are , the more the Lord will be strong for us …..To forgive ourselves , to forgive others , that is our Great Calling ! Blessings to You Melody , with Care , Mark
To the gentlemen who contacted me, it is physically impossible for me to have personal contact with all members on the forum — which is one reason why I created a forum. It is there for people to support each other. Let me say this though — anyone who reads the book and outlines paragraphs because they remind that person of someone else, that person has codependency issues too. Start by going online — there are excellent twelve step groups for free where you can have anonimity. Read the book you did — and you might benefit from Lanaguage of Letting Go too (but I hate pushing my books). There are many good books by many good authors on the subject of codependency. Awareness is the first step for change — but we can’t change anyone but ourselves. I’m going to post this on the site and take down (tot the best of my ability) your post. Thanks, Melody Beattie. PS — If you start looking for answers, you definitely will find them. You’re already being guided and shown what to do.
Hi. I’m going to delete your email to me again. But we need to come up with a plan for you that works for all of u – you, your wife, the children and me. You aren’t directly asking for help, but I’m assuming you’re indirectly pleading for an answer to your problems. If I’m wrong, please let me know. This is what I suggest: go to http://www.MelodyBeattie.net (the Grief Club site). On it are people dealing with many different kinds of loss situations, and many people have similar situations to yours.
At the Grief Club Site, register anonymously. Do not use your real name. Please. I can’t tell you the number of people who ignored this suggestion, and then came back later and asked to have their real name removed and to sign in again (which is hard, as their email is locked into the registration process and difficult to remove). After signing in with an anonymous name, look for others with similar problems – codependency, alcoholism, etc. While it looks, feels, and makes sense that you’re not the person with the problem, you do have a problem on your hands – your pain from the situation you’re living with, and that situation’s impact on you and your children.
The course of your life and your children’s lives hang in the balance. The choices you make now will affect you, your wife, and your six children for the rest of your lives – but understand, there is no guarantee you can change anyone but yourself. You can however create an optimum environment for positive change for yourself and others.
Online, search out various twelve step recovery programs, many of which you can attend online (in addition to working with others on the grief site). Although you didn’t grow up with alcoholism, the number one sign of codependency is when someone reads Codependent No More and sees another person in it. Seriously. It’s not fair that they have the problem, and we need the recovery, but that’s the way it is. You sound stable; you sound scared. There are things you can do. It’s time for you to do them now.
There are meetings for your children. I don’t know what your insurance situation is, but whether you do or don’t have insurance, whether you do or don’t have money, there are programs that will help you and your family. In fact, in five years – you may not recognize the family you’re living with, or the behaviors that used to take place. Good luck, stay in touch, and get busy searching out online words like: online twelve-step groups for addicts, alcoholics, codependents, and children. You’ll find something. Look for the groups that are right for you. Also, although you didn’t say where you live, dial 211, and ask for referrals to free support groups for codependency, addiction, and people in your situation. Start looking, and you’ll find what you’re looking for, even if you don’t know what that is. Best, Melody Beattie. PS — Grief — the pain of loss – and not dealing with that pain, is the true culprit that can cause codependency. While you sound like you came from a happy and stable family, it sounds like you’re living now in a family full of pain. That can create codependency.