Melody’s Autobiography
Melody’s Latest Release
TALKING ABOUT ….
She Said by Collective Soul This is my new “blog” song. You can listen to it by clicking on it — or just ignore it. Or, you can send me requests for your favorite songs. Each of you can listen to songs 24 times each month for free — so if there’s something you want to hear, tell me in a comment. This song speaks to where I am in my life. Maybe some of you can relate; maybe others can’t. I know this: it’s time to bring the music back into my life again.
I’ve been talking a lot lately about the latest unexpected turn in my life story. It’s healing to tell our story, especially whenit involves grief. It’s how we process the unthinkable and integrate it into our life. We make the unthinkable at least somewhat acceptable.
We surrender.
The first morning we wake up after a tragedy, the experience washes over us like a tsunami. Waking up hurts. It continues to hurt for however long it takes to heal, which always takes longer than we think it should, and it takes four times as long as other people think it should.
“Aren’t you over that yet?” people say, verbalizing what we ask ourselves.
While those closest to us tire of hearing our story — and who can blame them — we don’t tire of telling it. Hi. My name is _____________ and _______________ just happened to me. The first words out of our mouth describe the incident that’s turning us into a new person, someone we didn’t want to become – didn’t choose to be. But as annoying as it can be to the people who hear us talking about it day after day, we still can’t stop ourselves from telling our story to please them.
The time comes, though, when we can take our communication a step further.
“I believe in God,” I told a friend. “I know God’s real. That just makes it worse, because I know how powerful God is.”
To another friend I said, “I don’t know what to say to God. I’m at a loss for words.”
Just the awareness that I’d fallen away from prayer ignited a change. I realized I’d been talking sometimes to the right people, sometimes to anyone who would listen, and sometimes to the wrong people – the ones who had snide remarks as a reply — but I hadn’t been talking to my Higher Power, God as I understand God.
I’d walk by the temple in the middle of my home, briefly acknowledge its presence, then keep on walking and keep on talking – to everyone but God. My indifference to the temple symbolized the indifference I felt toward God. With this awareness that I hadn’t been communicating with my Higher Power, I found myself organically, without much effort, making prayer a priority again.
Why do I forget to do that which will help the most? Why do I systematically ignore those simple acts, behaviors that take so little time, that have such enormous payoff? I do it over and over again.
Oops.
Over the past years, I’ve learned that my day goes better if I start it with a good breakfast. I’ve also learned that my day goes better if I begin it with prayer. I have the greatest respect for all religions and spiritual paths. Agnostics and atheists can believe what they will, but I know what’s true for me: prayer works.
Even if I just say, “I’m at a loss for words, God,” or recite a pre-written prayer, paying attention to the meaning of each phrase, it helps.
Prayer changes things. It changes me.
When I go through a loss, what I miss most is that sense of being led by my Higher Power. The easiest way to get back that sense of guidance is to ask for it, and ask for it by going directly to the Source. At a loss for words? Sometimes, “Help” is all we need to say. How hard is that?When it comes to prayer, a little bit goes a long way.
Amen.
Melody Beattie
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Amen to that!
When I stray away from my HP I lose my emotional & spiritual balance.
Whenever I pray & journal or commune with nature, my HP is there to help me rebalance.
Gratitude is key for my well being & reaching out helps a lot.
Thank You, MB
Thanks Ken. Your comments add a lot to this forum. Best, Melody
Melody, I can really relate to the “I know I really need to pray but I don’t feel like it/don’t want to” cycle. I’ve gone round and round so many times! One thing that has really helped me is I’ve been writing a prayer every morning for about six months. I got the idea from the book ‘The Help’. One of the main characters, Aibileen, writes her prayers in her prayer book every day. That really struck a chord with me. I can often write things when I can’t say them. I realized the form of prayer isn’t the main thing, the main thing is that I pray. Some days it’s a very short prayer like “help”. Sometimes I read it out loud if I can handle the noise. But every time it’s like you said, prayer changes things and it changes me. Thanks so much for another awesome, inspiring blog. Sending you love and peace….
Hi Karin. As always, I so appreciate your input on the site. So much of the time I write about my experiences in the hope that it validates other people’s experiences, because when we accept who we are — and that we’re “normal” — we receive more freedom to do that which we truly want to doo, the things that can change our lives. I like your idea about writing out the prayers (which is another benefit from people writing in the forum.) We get offered a smorgasbord of ideas, instead of having just one. Again, thanks. Best, Melody
I am right there right now. Asking for love & guidance, then forgetting, then remembering to ask again. So glad I looked up your site today. I am sorry to read about your recent betrayal. I will pray for you and I know that you hold the rest of us in your heart daily, as well.
Right now I am working on a memoir about things I’ve been through, things that are unfortunately reappearing in my life right now. You’ve been a huge inspiration to me and I think of you often in kindness and kinship.
Dear Melody , 10-15-2011
Just a quick note to let you know you are a fine writer , caring , and heartfelt !
Your books make me/us want to empathize with your empathy !! My Mom – Sheila once told me that
” the best revenge is to live a good life …. ” My dad used to say alot ( he passed in 2007 ) repeating what his mother said to him alot , ” It’s a Great Life if you don’t weaken ! ” My Mom is still with us …
Melody may you get a great blessing every day and live Life to the Full !
A Friendly Reader , Mark Jones
Hi again, Mark. Hope all is well with you. As I’ve said, everyone’s prayers and good wishes are working; I feel much better. How are you doing — and what’s up with you now? Melody Beattie
Dear Melody , I am glad you are feeling better ! You must gain & give alot by having a
potentially Very Large Support Group !! Good for you , you earned it big time ! I want you to know
it is a real Honor to share in the healing of you and your blog !
At 55 years young I am retired with a full Veterans pension from the Army . I was a Combat- Medic in the Army in San Antonio & worked in Triage until I had a nervous-psychic breakdown in 1983-84 … I have worked as a Pre-school – DayCare Teacher, a Medic, a YMCA lifeguard & swim instructor , Basketball Coach at the Y, many odd jobs , all in all for 26-27 years !
Now I am working on my 2nd book of Poetry and taking a Healing through Writing Course at N. Seattle Community College – about 7 of us including the Teacher …. I am the only Man , but I am used to that being a Child Development Major in College ! On the Poetry Book I am going to have to start preparing to publish and tone down the writing ….. Any Tips ?
Thanks for your many Great Books ! John Lennon said , ” Life is what happens when we are doing other things . ” Oh I have 2 cats & 2 Gardens and our Condo has a beautiful landscape of many trees & a bird sanctuary next door …. Nice old Condo built in 1969 …
Peace to you & Yours & Blessings !
Mark 10-16-2011
Hi Mark. Sounds like you’ve had your share of ups and downs, too. Re the writing question, i can suggest only what I do: continue to take online classes or workshops, as I can fit them in; pay mentors to give me honest critiques of my work; strive to keep a “beginner’s mind” in all the work I do; write only that which I have a passion about; turn my career over to the care of HP, as I understand God; remember that good writing is made in the 40 rewrites, not in the first draft and that almost every first draft really sucks; and don’t ever forget that above all else, while writing may be an art, talent or gift, it is also incredibly hard work. Be well, and thanks for writing in. Melody Beattie
Hello and thank you for your story, your words and your inspiration. My life played out much like yours, I have survived childhood sexual abuse, kidnapping and rape as a teenager. As well a a severely abusive relationship with my sons father as a teen mom, unlike you. I also drank at 12 years old, never did the drugs though, but I am stuck in the codependent phase trying to figure out me and carrying everyone elses burdens for them. My grandmother told me about you today and reading your story I couldn’t believe how much it sounded like I was talking. I’m sorry for your struggles and the loss of your son, that is something I have not had to go through, I could not imagine that pain. I have three sons two of my sons have autism and my life is so over full that I don’t ever feel like I have time to pray, let alone breathe most days, but I have been blogging and writing randomly and trying to take time to pray, and even if it’s small, I am encouraged more so after reading your blog, to take the time to speak to my higher power. I recently found out that a small child in my life was assaulted, and I am stuck in a rut, and right now I’m kind of at a loss for words, I don’t understand why, with all that power, is there so much hurt? Guess thats what I might pray for “help” understanding.
Thank you for the reminder of the HP! I, too, walk by the “temple” barely acknowledging it when I need it the most. I am so deeply upset with people right now — I can’t understand why I can’t make a living without constantly watching my back. It is, as a friend calls it, “despicable” that people will so easily throw you over the cliff, so insensitive to your loss of security, health insurance, family stability, reputation, not to mention the loss of time spent trying to deal with their shenanigans. I’m so sorry that you were so deeply betrayed in your business. You have been a voice of sanity to so many. I guess these events happen regardless of how earnestly we try to live a good life. The anger is very difficult to deal with sometimes. I have been trying to focus less on the meanies and more on the healing. I need to stop walking by the temple and instead, stop and embrace the Higher Power — God knows, the HP understands!
Hi Pat. Yup — we all see the same moon at night; when the sun is out, it shines on us all; and when it rains, we all get wet if we’re outside in the rain. Life has some great equalizers — another one is aging. This one hurt like hell, but I’m getting through it and moving on with my life. I really appreciate your comments. Lately, I’ve been back to practicing the disciplines of the “Temple” — and they genuinely help. My day just plain goes better. I think I get so angry with HP (because I know how all-powerful He/She is) that I’m hesitant to talk to him when a freight train roars unexpectedly through my life. It’s important for me to feel all the feelings — as it is for everyone else — but comes a time to get through them and just plain say, “Please help.” Best, Melody Beattie
Hi Melody! First I’ve always wanted to tell you thank you for your works. Your meditation books Language of Letting Go, More Language of Letting Go, Journey to the Heart, as well as The Grief Club & Co-Dependant No More have been extremely instrumental in helping me find my way, even currently. I have developed my own path & wisdom, yet often quote your insights to life, finding them easy to relay to others, when I’m tryin to help them understand truths in their life in gentle and caring ways. I’ve always wanted to meet you, but this is good enough too.
I want to say that as I read your thoughts I figured I might copy, paste the information, referring to you & send it to a few loved ones who I know are grieving loss of loved ones within the last 3-4 years. Yet, my soul vigilantly made me go back to the beginning of the paragraph where you stated waking up hurts, and I realized from there I was led to read this blog to fully understand me. I’ve been grieving unprocessed pain, entailing family of origin, recents deaths of two high school classmates, in addition to one other high school classmate getting murdered by her boyfriend leaving 3 children behind and my own loveless marriage that I chose to end in 2001, not to mention choosing love interest with narcissistic personality disorders unaware until recently. I wondered why this year I’d completely fallen away from not only attending church, but then not reading my Bible or meditations, and then ceasing prayer. And I was alone with not only sadness but anger. I’m finally beginning to “want” to pray again and “desire” attending services. But I knew something wasn’t and still isn’t quite adjusted, which is why I decided not to go worship God with such an angry spirit, indifferent even. Now I see what I was going through was the depths of my grief. I’m so glad you bloged this…God always seems to connect my soul to your empowerments one way or another…so awesome.
Nichele
Hi Nichele. What an interesting and beautiful name. You caught on very quickly to the grief thing. There’s one treatment center that really “heard me” when I wrote about unresolved grief causing such overwhelming pain — especially in childhood but at any time — that we begin to self-medicate with alcohol and drugs. Then we call the pain “codependency” — which it is, but it’s also stuffed, repressed, grief — the thousands of emotions and beliefs that accompany it. Anyway, this treatment center is experimenting with dealing with grief along with focusing on recovery from addictions (our self-medication can quickly turn into a problem of its own). I think someday more people are going to realize the importance of allowing people in our culture to fully grieve our losses. We don’t have to wear black all the time, but people in the Jewish faith are very wise . They know how important it is to honor our grief and loss. The other religions seem to skim over it. As to your relationship with God, I have an extremelyh passionate relationship with my HP. Not a doubt He’s real, and really powerful. I get so angry at him about some things that happen, and when I do, I back off from prayer. Although I know we aren’t abandoned, even when we’re giving God the silent treatment, I personally feel better when I take time to pray. I’m realizing that again, now, as I come through the embezzlement and other issues. It’s time to stop the silent treatment and open my heart again to my Higher Power — not for Him, but for me. Best — and keep in touch. Melody Beattie
Wow…… I am so glad I was shown your website by a good friend. My grief started with the death of my dad in Sept 2002 and music got me throught it all!!
“I know this: it’s time to bring the music back into my life again.”
My marriage started to fall apart shortly there after, he is a verbally abusive Narcissist and I left that man a very broken woman. We have 2 beautiful great kids that I am trying to muster the strength to be the best mom I can be. We have 50/50 custody and I PAY HIM child support
‘Waking up hurts. It continues to hurt for however long it takes to heal, which always takes longer than we think it should, and it takes four times as long as other people think it should.’
Mornings still are the hardest! My family whom I am surrounded by at work and at home (my brother also lives next door to me) are of the “get over it” and “shoulda, coulda, woulda” I am surrounded by do as I say not as I do.
I am building healthly boundaries, I am writing and have had a few articles published. I am starting to feel stronger. I left Feb 2009 and my divorce was final Sep 2010, but I still feel I am climbing.
I will keep trying to get to the top of that strength mountain.
Thank you for your wise advise!
Eileen
Hi Eileen. I’m not glad you’re in so much pain you needed this site, but I’m glad you found it. You sound like a strong woman — stronger and wiser than you give yourself credit for. Grief just plain has its own time table; we don’t do grief — it does us. It also makes sense that the timing of the passing of your father coincides with some major decisions about your life and marriaige. (I think it’s your marriage.) We become so extremely sensitized during grief that we can’t tolerate the things we used to white knuckle our way through. We’re like putty in Life’s hands. Whilel grief takes a long time, it’s not wasted time; in retrospect you’ll see what a sacred time it’s been in your life — but later you’ll see that, not now. I say that because it’s so easy to discount the importance of lertting ourselves go through all the emotions that accompany grief. And Elizabeth Kubler Ross (the mother of the fivve stages of grief, bless her beautiful soul) was right-on about the five stages — she just didn’t stress a few additional ones enough. There’s grief, guilt (if only I had, I should have, etc.), sometimes suicidal ideation (we wouldn’t kill ourselves; it’s not an option — but we may wish we were dead. And there’s the old standby–obsession. Every conversation we enter into we turn to our story (at least many of us). That’s a crucial stage, and we need people to listen to us; and we need to listen to ourselves. Telling our story, sometimes over and over, is how we integrate the loss into our lives. I never dreamt I would miss my mother the wawy I do. My son? I knew my grie was normal, but my mom’s passing and its impact on me caught me completely off-guard. It sounds so much like you’re on the right track. Keep trusting yourself, even if what you feel inclined to do sounds silly. It’s not; please know that — no matter what others say, to or about you. They’re not walking in your shoes. In some ways, I feel like I developed symptoms similar to multiple personality disorder, only I didn’t lose touch with myself. It’s as thouh I “grew a new me” after my son’s death. I needed to do it; it was part of my process. No, I didn’t go around doing horrid things unaware of what I was doing, but I moved across the country — sometimes a geographical cure helps. The long, cold, dark winters of Minnesota were more than I could handle. I needed the sun and the surf. I needed everything to not remind me of my loss everywhere I looked. I needed a new me. But eventually I had to go back to MN for a while and get the “gal I let behind” — me. It’s bbeen an interesting process but there was nothing fun about it. Grief both devastated and overwhelmed me, while people who have now moved from the “friend” category into the “acquaintenance” category harped at me about “how I’d get through grief at lightening speed, faster than anyone else.” BS. I have many horror stories I didn’t even write about in my various books, but we’re vulnerable, and it’s too bad we don’t get a guardian to help us when we’re grieving — or maybe we do. A guardian angel. Well, didn’t mean to go on and on but again, I’m glad you found the site and I hope you findi people and things that help afirm you and how you’re handling things. One more thing before I go: I don’t believe that there are “right and wrong ways” to grieve. The only rules I give people are these: Don’t hurt yourself (physically) — and that includes letting others hurt us (we believe at some devel we deserve to be punished) and don’t harm anyone else. The rest is your call. Best, MB
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT — PLEASE PASS THIS AROUND, IF YOU FEEL SO INCLINED: Would anyone who’s found beneit from Language of Letting Go or Codependent No More please check on my blog at http://www.MelodyBeattie.com/blog Tuesday evening, after 5:00 o’clock Pacific Coast time? I haven’t asked for much, but if you value that book — I’m asking for your support. You don’t have to do anything huge, and I’ll only take a moment of your time. Thanks. Oh, and please — pass this on to anyone else who you know read those books, especially Language of Letting Go. MB
Hi Melody,
The Language of Letting Go has been and always will be my survival kit from the beginning of my recovery until today, and it will always be my daily inspiration in good times and not so good times. It is the only book I have ever worn out. In the early 90′s I also listened to the audio tape of the 12 steps, which today I cautiously play knowing it may be more worn out soon. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t found The Language of Letting Go or been led to it, or where my life would have ended up. It is my strength, encouragement, support, and it helps me to keep a close connection with my Higher Power. I continue to share it with friends and co-workers, along with the journal. I am forever grateful for The Language of Letting Go and Codependent No More and thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks for all the kind words. I’d like to take more credit, but I’m just the messenger. The message is for all of us — including me. That book was magical in the writing — to this day, probably one of the most magical I wrote. However, writers suffer from tremendous cases of “euphoric recall.” We forget the struggles, the doubt and the frustration (just like in relationships) and just remember the good moments. But in writing it, many times in brought me to tears. Even now, I’ll receive an email from someone (on a day when I’m having a hard time.) Someone will send me an email. I’ll start reading it, and it will be exactly what I need to hear. The words will sound familiar, then a light goes on. “That’s from the Language of Letting Go,” I think. And it is. So the words I wrote come full circle, and continue to speak to me. That’s about as magical as a book can be. It sounds like you’ve worked hard on yourself — to keep on your path. Congratulations — and all best wishes for an abundant, rich life. Melody Beattie
OMG……… I feel like you know me! You hit the nail on the head with the 5 stages of grief! I also have so called friends that have moved into the aquantence category! I now have my 5 fav’s as I call them the 5 people I completely trust.
I look forward to the day I can move and be free of the pain and the people associated with the pain. For now I must stay put per our divorce agreement we must live in the same town. Besides my son in 14 and my daughter is 12 so moving isn’t an option lol
I just finished my daily cry. I still cry everyday. I wonder if that will ever go away.
Thanks for your advice! Btw…….. my guardian angel I believe is Michael and I pray to him daily to guide me through this!
All the best to you too
Eileen
Hi Eileen. Sometimes it helps so much just to be validated. We think we’re on track, but to hear that someone else felt the same way or had a similar experience can feel so good. That’s why some support (healthy support) is so important. I had to stay in Minnesota for several years — until my daughter graduated from high school — until I could move. It was just plain torturous. I’d drive around, see something, and start crying so hard I’d have to pull to the side of the road. There are times I go for days without any tears, and sometimes I only cry for a minute. It seems when our heart breaks, it also opens up. Once it’s open, there’s no turning off how we really feel. Well, I guess we could shut down, but what’s the point? If it’s time to be in touch with our feelings, Life won’t let us hide for too long. I’ve always thoughth of the Archangel Michael as my Supervisory Guide too. They (the guardians and angels) must be so busy with all the stuff we get into. Anyway, I hope you have a peaceful holiday weekend. I have a lot to do, but I’m feeling pretty good. I started truly being present for each moment when I went through deep grief. At first it was a survival tool; now it’s a way of life. I rarely think about tomorrows, except for normal planning. The benefit from living that way, I’ve learned, is the gift of Peace. Happy New Year. Melody Beattie
Thanks Melody!
I wanted to let you know I just started CoDependant No More. I look forward to reading more of it later today. There are 2 CoDA meetings in my town so I am going to go to the one on Tuesday. Nothing wrong with getting myself healthy and taking care of me! Then I will be the best mom I can truly be!
Happy New Year and here’s to a better year……….2012
Well — this is a fantastic surprise. I had a feeling that 2012 is going to be a year of great change and good changes for each of us — depending on where we are. Your email (and those from others) reinforce what I suspected. Please stay in touch as you discover there’s no possible way we can be alone, as we’re one with all sentient beings — with God, with all that is. (That’s called the “Golden Theory of Enlightenment). The most important part of, and the beginning of awareness of all these connections, though, is nurturing our oneness with ourself. Best, Melody Beattie.
Hi! I’m very happy that I read your books. For so long I’ve been searching for answers to why I went from relationship to relationship searching for something, then, finally!!! No one told me. I was desperate to find out WHY? I searched online, read books and prayed for answers.I discovered I was a “love addict”. With this being the start of a new year, taking a longggg break to heal felt like a good idea. I feel peaceful, but at the same time I feel a WAR going on inside of me since I made this decision. I know It’s just a pattern, so I feel more in control. Not acting on the impulse to rescue or be recsued. Every man I’ve been with has had some kind addiction problem. And naturally I took on the role to love and take care of them. I had know idea that all these relationships were narcissistic/codependent. The only reason I decided to investigate was my strong inquisitive nature and something deep inside kept screaming “unhealthy”! I love reading and doing the work. I’m excited about what the future holds. I know the war inside is the addiction to having a man in my space, so It doesn’t feel as hard anymore. I never wanna feel dependent on another to make me happy again. I’ve always been independent and strong, always using my strength to attempt to fix others, rather than focusing the energy on healing myself. The men in my life always came to me, I never approached them. Now I see why!!! I didn’t have any boundaries. I’m looking forward to spending the rest of this year alone. It’s time to create a new foundation for myself and take care of me!! and it feels good!!!! Now I know the need for a relationship doesn’t come from lust or need, It comes from wholeness. I’m a stylist of 20 years. I love what I do, but It’s gonna end eventually. Iv’e been thinking about what I’d like to do for my next career, and I’d love to study relationship addiction. I’m an african american 43 year old woman whose passionate about spirituality and self help. I can read without being tired and I practice what I learn. You’ve inspired me to pursue this as a career. I feel It’s a need with african american women. A large part of the black community have no idea about personality disorders or love addiction. We acknowledge all other addictions, not this one. I feel very passionate about this! I’ve seen countless women destroyed by disease and abuse in the name of so called “love” and I wanna be used to help. In my salon, my clients and I have deep conversations about relationships and the way we love. I pass on the books I’ve read, and I see new awareness being born. When I start with this career, I’d love to work with you. You’re a great inspiration to me!!! Thank you!
Hi Stephanie. You’ve made some leaps and bounds (although my guess is that you’ve been heading to this moment of awareness and awakening for years). Even “overnight change” doesn’t happen overnight. Work the steps — they are the key to identifying the behaviors that hurt us — but on the other hand, for many of us, they’re the same behaviors that literally saved our lives. You’re correct about the Afro-American community; codependency is rampant. My beliefs about its origins are changing since I began studying grief. The symptoms of grief (deep grief that emerges during childhood from abuse, abandonment, the absence of one parent). The pain is too much for us to handle, so we get “stuck” in the stages of grief (obsession, control (negotiating with reality), denial, unmerited grief, blaming ourselves). I’m beginning to seriously wonder if underneath chemical dependency is codependency, but underneath that is grief that hasn’t been felt or resolved — until we’re safe enough and have the resources to deal with it). There’s one treatment center out east that’s going to start incorporating that theory into their practice with clients in the first stages of dealing with actual chemical addiction, from the standpoint that addiction began as a healthy desire to medicate pain strong enough to kill us (or cause us to kill ourselves). Although I became fascinated with the subject (which is what motivated me to write about it), I don’t work in the field anymore. In the early eighties, I switched from being a counselor to writing. Although my writing is based on practice and real people, I’m not a psychologist — or even a therapist — anymore. I’ve been writing as my fulltime occupation since 1984. But it’s not “me” you need to work with — it’s yourself. Trust yourself, your desires, and where your path will lead you if you listen to yourself instead of taking care of others. It really is a glorious trade-off. At some point, we’ll find that loving, nurturing, and caregiving are good things — and we’re not “healed” until we can allow ourselves to do these behaviors, trusting that they’re coming from a place of health, connection to ourselves, and our destiny. (I’ve seen many stop working on themselves, or get stuck in recovery before they reach the place where they can engage in true and altruistic love for others, or even be a caregiver without being and feeling victimized. What’s fascinating about codependency is that it can’t be identified by external behaviors. We can see two people doing the same behaviors — in one person, it’s unhealthy and codependent; in the other the behaviors are perfectly healthy. It (recovery and awareness) truly is an inside job. It’s about what motivates us to do what we do. Best of luck as you begin this adventure, and discovery of how you can share your insights with others. I don’t know where you live, but in Washington DC is a fantastic bookstore that’s devoted itself to codependency and health in Afro-American women particularly. It (the bookstore) is a vortex of health and devotion to the same group you want to work with, and I love my interviews with the bookstore. While people who are solely counselors are struggling to earn enough money to stay alive, there will be other ways and places that need us to “carry the message.” Be open to all forms of answers, and ways your career (your second one) will manifest. I wanted to be a counselor and ended up becoming a writer — and it’s what I had wanted to do since I was six years old. Sometimes the journey is tough; like climbing a completely perpendicular mountain with no equipment. Other times it’s filled with joy — even setting boundaries can become fun. Stay in touch — and let us know how you’re doing. Also, if you need to come here for support, encouragement, or validation — we’re here. Best, Melody Beattie (Your enthusiasm is absolutely delightful.)
Hi Melody,
I’m just now reading through this page and saw your request from last week regarding your books. I may have missed your time slot, but I just want you to know how much I have gained, personally and spiritually, from both The Language of Letting Go and Co-Dependent No More. I feel I was guided to find these books and didn’t realize I had an issue with co-dependency until I started reading Co-Dependent No More. You laid everything out and I could identify exactly where my pitfalls were. Then, The Language of Letting Go helped me move forward and start living MY life for me! Your personal experiences were taken to heart and your ability to write in such a down to earth way is admiral and inspiring. 2011 was a year of positive change for me and I believe much of it started when I began reading your books a year ago. Since then I have read Making Miracles and I have gained in so many ways from having an attitude of gratitude. I did the exercise daily for 40 days and re-connected with a dear friend in the process. We both wantd to continue when the exercise ended so we send a gratitude list once a week on Wednesdays. I look forward to it but more importantly, I continue to write my own gratitude list to myself daily. I feel empty if I don’t because I can always find gratitude, no matter what. Now my husband and children are using the words, \grateful, thankful and gratitude\ more frequently! Thank you so much for sharing your stories, writing your books and taking time to care. You are amazing!!
Blessings,
Renetta
Hi Melody,
I went to my 1st CoDA meeting Tuesday January 3. It was a 12 step and I liked it so much I ordered the 12 step book and look forward to going back. I am so desperate to heal and the group is comprised of different people all walks of life but one common denominator, Codependency.
Thank you for all that you have done to bring this about and I look forward to reading your books and healing from the foundation up
Eileen
Hi Eileen. Sorry I’m late with my response — but there must be a full moon out there or something. A lot of people are experiencing major awakenings — similar to yours. I’m not an expert — I’m a writer who’s done an enormous amount of professional and personal research and used to work as a therapist until I began writing several decades ago. I’m really proud of you for stepping out of your safety zone and attending a meeting. They have all sorts of meetings — online groups, in person groups, etc. Al-anon. It’s good to find one that has people `1) attending it who have similar situations to yours (i.e., codependency manifesting around son, or around spouse’s drinking, etc.) and 2) that the group stresses working the steps, because that’s how, when, and where the real changes happen — by working them and by getting new information about what we’ve been doing to survive that has become painful and self-defeating. Please stay in touch. There’s an influx of people with codepedency issues lately — and as I keep bringing up, the more I hear, the more I see, the more I feel, I believe the “elephant in the room” is the grief that hides underneath both addictions and codependency — grief we haven’t felt or resolved from way back when. That unrsolved grief is the number one motivator of unhealthy behaviors that we continually repeat and the biggest barrier to experiencing joy and peace in our daily lives. Please let me know how you’re doing, and feel free to write in with any questions. Again, that’s a big step you’ve taken (the first one?) in an excellent direction. It can hurt at first, especially as we recognize powerlessness, but as I’ve promised others — I’ll promise you — the day will come when setting boundaries and taking care of yourself really will become fun. (If you don’t have a solid background of info on codependency, I’d suggest starting with Codependent No More and Language of Letting Go, and maybe a Step Book. If you can’t afford them, you can download digital copies into your computer or get any of these books from your local library. There’s an app on Language of Letting Go that you can put on your IPhone for $4.99. I hate recommending that people go out and spend a ton of money on my books — so remember you can always use the library. Best, Melody
Melody,
The share fact that you take the time to read and respond to people’s inquires is amazing to me. By the way it was a full moon the night you wrote back( in Boston Ma anyway)! I feel like I had an awakening by reading the Co-Dependency book actually felt the same way when I read the Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists, which my therapist recommmended because of my exhusband. I was in denial about whether or not I could without a doubt accept that he was as bad as I saw my family saw and friends saw. CRAZY!! Growing up with a manic depressive mom that drank for a period of time, nasty drinking too, I was set up to marry the man I married and here I am! I did by the iphone app and LOVE it! The past 2 days with my kids have been awesome and its because I am letting GO for the first time in my life. I love the CoDA meeting I found in my own home town, how lucky am I?
I finally feel I am healing so again thank you for all that you have done!
I will stay in touch I love reading about other’s experiences too
Eileen
Wow. Thank you. But this is my give-back, and one way I continue to help save my life. It is my pleasure — truly — to be of service to my readers. I’m not sure you all know how much you mean to me. Melody
Did my letter of apology to the two people that got lost in the chaos (the one who wanted to interview me and the college student) get posted? Would someone please let me know? The site is doing odd things. Thanks, Melody.
If my apology didn’t get published, I apologize now to the gentleman who wanted to interview me, and the college student who needed some of my time. Please, accept my apology. All I can do is explain that the last year has been insane with this embezzlement, training in a new coa with no reference material, trying to switch (somewhat) careers, and the rest of the necessary (as opposed to codependently created) chaos. I’m sorry. This isn’t justification; it’s an explanation. Both your requests are legitimate and matter, and not responding was my fault. Please let me know if there’s a “living amends’ I can make in both these matters, and I’ll do what I can. Melody